The Salamander Prince by Raederle Schala McDermot
	Princess of Engineering B'Elanna was crawling through the Jeffries tubes one day when she dropped her favorite corkscrew down a crevice. It was made of gold latinum and was special to her because it had been a gift from the Major Domo Chakotay. So she reached for the pretty tool, but when she placed her hand into the crevice she felt something slimy and jerked back. "What the-??!" the princess cried, preparing to kill something. "Chill out, princess!" a deep voice came from the crevice. A small salmander crawled out. "Man, you nearly squished me!" "Um," the princess rubbed her ridged forehead looking perplexed. "Sorry, I was looking for my gold latinum corkscrew. You see, it was a gift, and it's very special to me." "Oh, no problem. I can get that for you." "Uh, well," she was surprised to see a salamander on the ship, and even more so that he could talk. "Thanks." "But you gotta do make a promise for me first, okay beautiful?" "Excuse me?" she asked incredulously, hands on her hips. "Oh, come on. It's not much." the salamander pleaded. "Just promise me you'll let me live in your quarters from now on. It's freaky living down here. Too dry, too." "I don't know.." "Please!!" "Okay, okay. Sheesh. Get the corkscrew, and you can stay with me." But she added quickly. "No funny business though! Queen Arachne doesn't like anyone smooching on this ship except her." "Kewl!" So the salamander scampered back down the crevice and returned quickly with the corkscrew. "Here you go, Sweetie." Princess B'Elanna scowled and picked up the corkscrew, wiping off salamander slime. "Come on, I have to clear this with the Queen." The salamander hopped on her shoulder, and they went to see Queen Arachne. They entered the Queen's conference chamber after being announced by the Queen's personal slave, Seven of Nine. Major Domo Chakotay was standing close by the Queen's throne, as always, on a short leash. Queen Arachne was a bitter-faced woman, who was by no means a size four no matter what she told everyone. "Your royal, most beautiful, graceful, and prime-directive abiding highness," The sweet-faced princess asked submissively. "I have made a vow to this salamander in exchange for his help in the Jefferies tubes. I told him that he could live in my quarters." B'Elanna half-hoped the Queen was in one of her moods and would say no. But apparently, things were going her way. Arachne narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips in recognition of the salamander. She raised her palm and the Wizard Doctor entered. "Well?" she asked him. The bald Wizard's eyes popped wide at the salamander, and he nodded. "You may keep your promise." "Yes!" the salamander cried happily. Queen Arachne silenced him with an evil look. "On the condition," she continued. "That you never kiss him." Princess B'Elanna looked at the Queen dubiously. "Alright." The Princess left and the Queeen leaned over to the Wizard. "Doctor, keep an eye on them." When they reached the Princess' quarters they were met by Harry the Page. "Hi, my Princess. Oh..." he stared at the salamander. "I have a houseguest," she said. "That's no houseguest! That's a victim of Queen Arachne!" "What?!" Princess B'Elanna set the salamander on her dresser. "It's true. She got the Wizard Doctor to turn me into a salamander because I defied her rule." "Well, isn't she nice," the Princesss remarked sarcastically. "If you kiss him, it'll break the spell." Harry said. "Kiss a salamander? Eww..." "But I'm the only one who can remove the evil Queen Arachne from the throne!" "Oh, please." "It's true! I'm Prince Tom. After imprisoning me in her dungeon in New Zealand, she got Doctor the Wizard to turn me into a salamander with his Warp 10 spell." B'Elanna looked around sceptically. She sighed. "What the heck." She laid a big smackeroo on the salamander's slimy lips. At first nothing happened. Harry looked around. If he didn't know any better he would have sworn someone else was in the room. A minute later the salamander morphed into an attractive, tall, blond man. He was dressed in a powder blue suit with a cravat. "Time to storm the castle!" He yelled, jumping off the dresser. The trio met opposition with the slave, Seven of Nine. "You will not pass." she stated. "We need to see the Queen." Prince Tom protested. Seven looked him over. "No." Princess B'Elanna stepped forward. Seven pushed her back firmly by the shoulders. "You are rude!" Princess B'Elanna pulled out her magic phaser and disintegrated the slave. "I like your style," the Prince said. "So you plan on a future to this relationship?" "I would never be so presumptuous." Prince Tom kicked down the door. "It's over, Arachne!" he yelled defiantly. "Never!" She brandished her phaser rifle. Harry jumped in front of the Prince just as the Queen got off a round. "Oh, sweet Harry, you shall not have died in vain," the Prince cried melodramaticly. "I'm not quite dead, sir," he replied. "Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!" "Actually, I think I might pull through, sir. I think I'm fine to go with you." He started to rise. "No, sweet Harry-" "Would you two shut up and get on with this?" the Princess demanded. "Yeah right." Prince Tom pulled out his enchanted watergun and squirted Queen Arachne. "I'm melting! I'm melting!" "You don't get off that easy!" The Princess came forward with her Bath'leth. "Off with her head!!" The Queen's head fell off and bounced. Princess B'Elanna ripped out her heart and took a bite. "Now I'll have something to show for the Day of Honor." The chains on the Major Domo crumbled. "I'm free! I'm free! The Queen is dead!" he squealed. And the Prince and Princess shared the heart, and the Page Harry died, but came back to life again somehow. King Tuvok returned to rule the kingdom of Voyager logically and, quite frankly, better than Arachne, and he knighted Harry, Tom and B'Elanna. And the Prince and Princess were married and lived happily ever after. "Thank you for your assistance, Fairy God Ocampan." King Tuvok said one day when he was alone in his quarters. A short, but beautful woman with thick golden curls, pointed ears, and shimmering wings appeared. She held a wand in one hand, and the other was resting on her snug dress. "Well something had to happen. Prince Tom is sweet, but I seriously doubt that a kiss could have broken that spell!" Kes laughed.