The Gift by Ruddls
	Part One It was another long day aboard the starship Voyager. The tall ship slowly passed the stars on her long way home. Its beautiful captain was sitting in the command chair as usual, her legs crossed, her hands resting on the chair. But she was not aware of her surroundings, the only thing she was aware of was him. Chakotay was sitting right beside her, his hands accidentally brushing against hers every time he shifted in his chair. And he did shift a lot. And every time his hands brushed hers, it was like a jolt of electricity ran through her body. She closed involuntary her eyes, her imagination bringing her to another place, another time....another life. She sighed. Chakotay noticed something was going on with his captain lately. It was like if she was trying to hide from him. Their usual evening talks were cancelled last week, she said she would be busy. He told her its fine with him, but he knew how a big lie that was. He wanted to beg her to maintain the talks. He needed to talk to her. But he didn't. He just went out of her cabin to seek out the peace and advice of his animal guide. And now, he was sitting right beside her, very well aware of her proximity to his body. He touched the tactical display on his chair accidentally brushing his hand against hers. She sighed. He leaned closer to her fighting the urge to kiss her hair." Are you ok?" She shook her head as she tried to get the imagination from her head. "What?" She looked at him and saw a smile play around the corners of his lips, a smile that brought a similar smile to her own lips." It's nothing, I guess I am overworked." She stood up and stretched her muscles. "Commander, you have the bridge, I am in my ready room." With that she raced out of the bridge to the safety of her ready room. She sank in her chair trying to catch her breath. "Damn, I can't believe it." She cursed herself for this accident that just happened. She recalled his eyes, his deep caring eyes looking at her, his wonderful lips just a few centimetres away from her own...so kissable... so offering...so close...so close. She sighed deeply as she felt her heart beat a little faster." Why? Why him?" She laid her head in her hands and sobbed silently. Chakotay gave himself a minute to regain control over his mind as well as his body and stood up straightening his uniform. "Tuvok, you have the bridge, I am at the captain." Tuvok nodded and Chakotay headed to the captain's sanctuary. As soon as the door closed behind Chakotay Tom turned in his chair to face Kim. "Oh God, when do they finally realize what everyone on this ship knows?" Kim grinned. "It make take some time, you know how long it took for you and Lanna." Tom chuckled. "Yeah, right." Then Tom turned to Tuvok." Tuvok, you know the captain longer then anyone else, what do you think?" Tuvok raised eyebrow. "Mr. Paris, I don't believe this should be discussed so openly. I don't think the captain would appreciate that. Or the commander." Tom grinned. "But you must admit it's logical for the two to be together." "Logic always finds a way, Mr. Paris." Tuvok answered and Tom would swear he saw a hint of smile on the Vulcan's lips. He turned back to his console and the ship continued to fly its bold crew home. ~In the meantime in captains ready room.~ Kathryn jumped out of her chair as she heard the door to open, she knew who it was without having to look in the door's direction and she cursed herself for not locking the door. She tried to hide the tears, but her make up give her away. Before she could say or do something, he was standing close to her and his hands, his soft hands were touching her cheeks brushing her tears away, setting her body on fire. "What's wrong Kathryn, why are you crying?" He said in his deep caring voice. His eyes were filled with caring and hurt. He hated to see her cry, her hurt was his hurt as well. She looked in his eyes, her big wonderful eyes filled with tears, then she shook her head and made a step back. But Chakotay was too worried to let her go, he wanted, needed to comfort this woman in some way, so he choose the oldest way and simply hugged her holding her close to his body. She tried to fight him for a few seconds, but then relaxed in his hug sobbing on his shoulder. They stood motionlessly for several minutes, because both knew, that when they moved, the hug would end. Chakotay absently stroked Kathryn's back trying to slow down his heart. Kathryn buried her face in his shoulder, tears streaming out of her eyes her hands automatically encircling his waist and hugging him close. She wondered how natural it felt to be in his arms, to be safe. She resisted the urge to look in his face, because she knew, she would loose control. She relaxed in his arms for a few minutes and then backed off sitting on the couch, looking at him as he followed her example and sat down right beside her and took her hand in his, sending a wave of heat through her body. "What's going on, Kath? Why are you avoiding me, why are you crying?" She wanted to say something to stop this interrogation, but she made a mistake and looked in his eyes and found out, it is unable for her to lie to him. "I can't Chakotay, I can't... I just can't..." He looked confused. "What can't do you, Kath?" "I..I..." she sighed. "It is all too complicated. I really can't do that." He laughed nervously, because he still didn't know more then when he entered the room. Ho laid his hands on her shoulders, holding her gently, but firm and making her face him and asked her "What the hell is on your mind Kathryn Janeway?" She couldn't help herself but to smile at the way he said her name. It was always like he was playing with it in her mouth. "The problem is Chakotay, I have feelings for you and I don't know how to deal with them." The direct approach she selected worked. He was stunned, not arguing, just looking in her eyes. Then a smile appeared on his lips. "Feelings?" She looked at him and nodded. "Feelings like for a friend?" She shook her head in an unspoken no. He gulped. "As for...a...lover?" He closed his yes, knowing he has just crossed the line. How big was his surprise when she said in a silent whisper "yes." A shiver ran down his body. He leaned closer to her ear and whispered. "You don't know how long have I waited for you to say this." He moved to her lips and before she could say anything, he kissed her. It was just a light kiss, their lips just brushing, but it sent shivers down their spines. Part Two They lips parted again and Kathryn found herself unable to speak. She was looking in his eyes and loosing herself in their deepness. "Chakotay...." She wanted to shout, but she was unable to. He laid a finger on her lips and shook his head. Kathryn was surprised when she saw a smirk playing on his face and then realized she was automatically kissing his finger. She backed off. "Chakotay...we can't...I can't...the..." She started to argue. He shook his head again and smiled at her. "I don't want to hear that Kathryn. Stop that. Now, you will attend your quarters and dress casually, then we will meet in one hour at holodeck one." He smiled and left. She blinked. Did her first officer just give her an order??? She smiled. Yes, he did. And she knew, she will comply. She left her ready room using the back door and headed for her quarters. She found herself thinking what she will wear. She shook her head. 'Think Kath, think. You are the captain, you don't have to go there.' 'But I desperately want to go there. I want to be with him. The way it should be. The two of us together.' 'You are the captain. You have to be here for your crew, not for your own needs.' 'But...but...I have my own needs. I am not only a captain, I am also a woman.' 'You are the captain!' Kathryn arrived to her quarters in a state of total chaos. She knew she wants, needs to go to meet Him, but she also knew she won't go there. She run to her bed and jumped on it burying her face in the pillows and cried. In the mean time Chakotay instructed the bridge crew he and the captain are taking a few hours free and they are NOT to be disturbed unless a Red Alert would be activated. Then he left for his quarters and dressed. Then he headed for her quarters. Somehow he knew, he should go there. It was like an inner voice would tell him to go there. He tapped the announce button, but no-one answered. He keyed in the override code and entered her quarters. His heart automatically increased its beating as he looked around the dark living room. It was all so like her. So organized. So...her. Then he heard a sound. A sound he would recognize among millions of others. It was her silent sobbing. He also knew, from where it comes. From a dark room... from her bedroom. He took in a deep breathe and entered her room. The sight made his heart skip a few beats. She was lying in her bed, her head buried in her pillows and she was sobbing, her small body shaking uncontrollably. He didn't know what to do...he wanted once again comfort her, but he also knew, how embarrassed she would be, if he would see her in this state twice in a day. Then his heart took over and he sank to her bed and laid his hand on her shaking shoulder, uncontrollably "Kath..." He whispered. She jumped on her bed rolling over to face him, big tears in her beautiful eyes. He felt the tears coming to his own eyes. "Leave me alone!" She cried helplessly. "You know I can't leave you alone and as long as I will live, you will be not alone. Never." To add more meaning to his words he hugged her gently letting her sob on his shoulder again, stroking her hair. "Don't worry about the crew Kath, they all want their captain to be happy. Please, don't make me unhappy. Don't push me away. Please. Do you remember when we had that disagreement about the Borg treaty? I thought I am going to loose your friendship and that made my heart cry. I love you Kathryn Janeway from starship Voyager! And I know you have feelings for me too." Kathryn sighed. She looked in his eyes, saw the pain in them and knew, she was lost. She was his. She would do everything for this man. She would even throw away her career as starship captain...just for him. She needed him. Her hand touched his lips and he kissed her fingers. "Chakotay..." "Just let go Kath. Come with me. Please." She sighed and resigned. She stood slowly up and looked at him. "Ok, give me a minute to get dressed." He left her bedroom and waited for her in her living room. She strode in a few minutes. He looked at her and his heart wanted to jump out of chest. She was clad in blue jeans and a loose shirt, her western outfit. He loved it. He could remember them dancing on Neelix's Western party. Her body close to his... He shook his head to get rid of that idea and stood up offering her his hand. She took it and they walked out heading for the Holodeck. She was smiling shyly at the passing crewmen who were giving them encouraging smiles and nods. They arrived at the Holodeck and Chakotay took in another breathe. "Computer, access program Chakotay Alpha one." Computer beeped "Program active, enter when ready." Chakotay pointed to the door. "After you..." Kathryn walked in and stopped merely a meter away from the door. She was stunned. This couldn't be... could it? "Chakotay?" She asked, her voice trembling a little. "Yes Kath?" He smiled and walked around her to look in her eyes. What he saw there surprised him. Her eyes were filled with understanding, love and caring. "Is that....?" "Yes... I've started building this program a week after the return to Voyager." He smiled and laid a hand around her waist as they slowly walked around, looking at the scenery. "God... it's unbelievable how exact this is looking." She had to control herself as the hand he laid on her waist was sending pulses through her whole body. "I think it's quite exact..." he smiled again. "What's the noise?" She asked. "Come, have a look." He walked her to a wonderful looking waterfall. The water falling down about twenty meters, glistening in the sun. "God ,Chakotay, its wonderful!" she gasped. "Glad you like it." He smiled and led her to another place. She started to laugh as she saw what he wanted to show her. "Oh God, you really made the boat???" He chuckled. "Yep, I call it Voyager." He grinned. "Very funny, you old joker." She laughed and hit his chest with her hand. She was relaxed. She was no longer the captain. She was Kathryn Janeway, she was His mate....and they were on New Earth..... She sighed looking around herself. "God, Chakotay, that's nice…" "I made this program for you. It should have been the gift for your birthday party tomorrow, but you were lately behaving so strangely, that I had to change plans." He smiled and she was happy. "Thank you Chakotay, this is the best gift I ever got…" She looked at him, he was standing close to her and leaning slowly for a kiss. She didn't resist this time, she had no power left to fight her need, she kissed him, not lightly, but fully on his lips, their tongue meeting in a mad dance of passion and love. They would kiss forever if the ship wouldn't rock and the alert klaxons wouldn't start to yell…. "Red Alert! Captain to the bridge! Red alert!!!!" Tuvok's voice shouted via intercom. Kathryn and Chakotay run out of the holodeck and headed for the bridge. They arrived just a minute or two after the alert started. "Status!" the captain Janeway was back. Tuvok checked his readings, for the thousand times…"We have been checking a nebula as we were attacked from a ship hidden in the nebula, we are now on distance. They didn't follow us." "Damage report?" Captain Janeway walked around the bridge and stopped besides Chakotay her elbow gently nudging his.¨He smiled, but didn't react in any other way. "Well, our shields were down at the time of their attack, we have a hull breach on deck 13. Some EPS relays are blown, B'Elanna is working on that." "Are our shields up now?" Kathryn glanced to Tuvok and the Vulcan nodded. "Good, take to the nebula and open a channel!" "Aye sir!" Tom played with his fingers over his console and the ship jumped on its thrusters and moved to the nebula. "Channel open, captain." Kim smiled as he noticed the captain's and her first officer's elbows touching. "This is captain Janeway from Federation starship Voyager. Why did you attack us?" There was nothing to see, but then a jolt of energy shot out of the blue-red nebula and hit the ships shields. They glowed with colours, but didn't break them. "Report!" "Shields are down to 80 percent. I have a lock on their ship, but I don't know how long I can hold it." "Then fire phasers!" The Voyagers phaser arrays charged and then shot in the nebula. Then something happened which nobody expected. A huge explosion sent the ship in spinning and as usually, some consoles exploded sending some unrecognized ensigns to the floor. Kathryn was thrown on the other side of the bridge and on her face appeared a long deep wound. She overlooked the bridge, her senior staff on their places already, then she glanced to Chakotay's place, but he was not there, she scanned the bridge with her eyes and finally found him right beside Tuvok reading the tactical information. She smiled and walked to Tom and laid her hand on his shoulder in her usual manner. "Stabilize the ship, Tom." "Aye ma'am." Tom did his best and the ship slowly stopped the spinning. "What happened, Tuvok?" Captain Janeway looked to the tactical station, where her two best most trusted friends were standing. "It seems that there was a strong explosive gas in the nebula and our phaser fire made it explode." "Shouldn't you be able to recognize an explosive when you see one?" Kathryn raised her brow. "The compound was unknown to our computers." Tuvok's logical explanation came. "Damage report?!" Kathryn grinned. Tuvok called the data on his monitor. "We have temporarily lost shields, the generators are off line, I am sure the chief engineer can say you more to this, our long range sensors are offline, we've also lost our main deflector." "And what is the good message?" Kathryn grinned at Chakotay. "That was the good message, captain." Tuvok raised his brow. "What does that mean Lieutenant, what is the bad message?" Kathryn frowned. "The explosion damaged one of our warp nacelles. We will have to land on a planet to repair it, until then, we have just fifty percent power." "Damn…. Where is the ship that attacked us?" Kathryn was raging. 50% power didn't sound good. "They are not on our scanners." Tuvok replied. "Ok, first things first… B'Elanna, how long till the shields are back online?!" "The shields were overloaded, I will have to change some relays, give me three hours." B'Elanna smiled. "You have two." Kathryn replied. "Aye ma'am" "Tuvok, you and Seven will get astrometric online and search for a suitable harbour." "Aye ma'am." "Kim, you will scan for those cowards and should they appear, send them a torpedo as greetings, at least as long as we don't have shields." "It will be a pleasure for me captain." Kim grinned. Two hours and five seconds later, B'Elanna grinned and punched a button and the shield generators went online with a hum. Kathryn smiled. Somehow, she looked at Lanna as at her own daughter and every one of her successes brought warmth and joy to her hearth. She was admiring the Klingon's enthusiasm and intelligence as well as her ability for improvisation. "Good job Lanna." She smiled. Her bruise was already gone, Doctor took care of it an hour ago. Her face was beautiful again, especially when a smile covered it. "Lanna? You sound like mom…" B'Elanna giggled "Thanks captain." She smiled too. "Tuvok to the captain, we found the harbour, please come to the Astrometrics." The intercom beeped. "On my way, Tuvok." Captain Janeway gave a last smile to B'Elanna and paced out heading for Astrometrics. * in Astrometrics * "The captain, just five light years away, a class M planet, no signs of inhabitation." "Looks good, take us there, maximum speed." "Aye ma'am." Kathryn walked out and headed for her quarters. She remembered she has not talked to Chakotay in the whole time and she realized how much she missed him and his voice. She had to smile at the memory of him...and at the memory of his lips touching hers...she shivered as a pleasant shiver run down her spine. The ship jumped out of warp and appeared near the class M planet. Under the lead of its skilled pilot, Voyager slowly descended to the planets surface. Tom set it down gently at a meadow in a forest. The planet was beautiful. It was very similar to Earth. True, the trees were kind of weird, but yet, they were green and looked familiar. A few minutes after the landing, the engineering crews started the repairs on the nacelle. The damage was bigger than assumed and B'Elanna told the captain that it will take at least three weeks to get it repaired. The captain decided to start giving the crew some time off. She started a plan, three weeks, three shifts...ideal. She even hadn't to solve the problem of Chakotay and her being on leave at the same time, because she knew, he would hit on her and she would give in. She avoided him for the next two weeks as much as possible and he was so busy with helping B'Elanna that he hadn't had time to push her into a talk. But he knew, before they will leave this harbour, he and she will have to talk. So did she know. The repairs were almost finished and the crew was enjoying the planets nature. Captain Janeway was on leave. For the first time in the five years Voyager was in the Delta Quadrant, she was really on leave. No uniform, just a phaser and a comm badge and a big bag of things for camping. She needed to be alone for some time to find out what to do with her feelings for Chakotay. When she was leaving the ship he waved at her and wished her a fun. She grinned at him and then was beamed in the forest. She walked between the trees and looked for a suitable place for camping, then she found one and settled down there. It was all so good. No worries, just her and the fire. She loved camping. Her mind started to wonder off and she found herself dreaming about being with Chakotay. She knew she loves him. She needed him. But she was scared. Scared that when she lets him close to her, he will run away. She thought, the Kathryn Janeway he knew, was not the real one. It was just an image created by her. In fact, Kathryn was a sensitive woman. She hated being considered as the "cold emotionless" captain, but she knew, her crew lives might depend on that And her crew was the most important thing to her. She found herself playing with the idea of what the brave crew would think if she and her first officer would announce being together. She grinned. At once, she had a weird feeling in her gut. Somehow, she knew, she was in danger. She grabbed her phaser, but it was too late. An energy blast hit her and she fell to the ground. Chakotay was reading a book as he got the feeling something is really wrong. He looked up, but everything was on its place. He started thinking about the strange sensation. He closed his eyes and analysed the feeling. An old almost faded memory appeared in his mind. The dark haired boy looked at his father. "I don't understand this. How could I know?" "It is told, that people from our tribe are able to feel the condition of someone they love, really love." "But... I didn't know what wrong is, just that she is in danger." "Yes my son, that's true, you cant tell what exactly happened to the person, you just feel her condition, if she is well, stressed or in real danger. This mostly works by your family members, like now, when you felt your mother being in danger. But it is also told, that when you are in love with someone, who has as strong feelings for you as you do for the person, you are not only able to feel the persons condition, but also find the person anywhere in the galaxy, when you let your heart guide your steps...." The memory faded again and Chakotay jumped up and touched his communicator. "Chakotay to Janeway! Please respond." No response came. "Kathryn, please, respond!" And again, no response. But the feeling changed. He knew, she was in pain. "Chakotay to the bridge, scan for the captain, NOW." He didn't wait for the answer and run to the bridge. As he arrived he walked to Kim." Where is she?" Kim shook his head. " I can't locate her. Or her com signal." "Did you monitor the away team's signatures?" "Yes, she was on sensors until I restarted the sensor grid and then her signature disappeared." "Recall all crew back, go to yellow alert. Hand out phasers, start scanning for enemy ships in orbit or on the planet. Tuvok, I want an away team to join me in transporter room one. We are going to check the last known location where the captain was." "Understood commander, the away team is on its way." Tuvok didn't even try to argue with him to stay on board, he knew, Chakotay can't stay on board while she is in danger. The away team materialized on the meadow. There was no-one, just her personal things were near the still burning fire. They searched her for three hours, then the light was gone and the away team returned to Voyager. Chakotay was desperate. He closed himself in his quarters and tried to contact his spirit guide, but he couldn't concentrate. The feeling of her being in pain was stronger and stronger. It was almost physical. Then something changed. He analysed the change and suddenly he understood what his father was trying to tell him when he was a kid. He stormed on the bridge. "All hands, red alert, prepare to leave surface. B'Elanna, start impulse engines, prepare warp as soon as we are out of the atmosphere." All eyes looked at him questioning him. "She is not on the planet. I am sure I know how to find her, just trust me." he looked around the bridge. All nodded to him with understanding in their eyes and he knew, they know he loves her. The ship left the orbit and Tom looked at his commander with a question. He was surprised to see Chakotay in some sort of trance sleep. His eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly. "What course, commander." Tom asked. Chakotay stood up and walked to the main screen and his finger pointed to a star on the screen. "There. Maximum warp, stand by on battle stations. This is not going to be a walk through the garden." Tom set the course and Voyager warped out. * In the meantime on unknown place. * Kathryn's body was on fire. Every her muscle was in pain. She wanted to scream, but had no strength to do so. She was on the floor and was sobbing silently. She couldn't believe what happened. She was captured, tortured... and...she shook her head to get the memory out of her head. She whispered something. It was barely louder than a sigh. "Chakotay...." But then something happened that made her eyes flow wide open. "I am coming for you Kath, hang on." A voice in her head whispered. She though she must be really bad on it when she has this hallucinations. Then the door opened and she was dragged out of her cell and the pain started again. * Voyagers bridge* Chakotay's eyes flew wide open. "Faster! B'Elanna, give everything the ship can give! She needs us!" Without arguing B'Elanna adjusted a few settings and started to continually overload the warp core. It was a dangerous procedure, but she knew, she has no other way. One look in his face told her, what to do. There was so much pain in her best friends' face that she couldn't stand looking at it. Voyager arrived with high warp at the star and slowed to impulse power, its shields and weapons active. It was a seven planet system and two of them were class M. Chakotay pointed to the dark planet and said. "There! Don't take us in orbit. Scan for her. And scan for the ship. I bet they are still here." "Both scans are negative." Kim shook his head. Chakotay closed his eyes. He could hear her scream with pain. Tears jumped out of his eyes. He knew she is somewhere on the planet. He just needed to know where. He tried to concentrate his mind and lost the link with her. His heart skipped a few beats. She can't be dead.... Then the memory of his father appeared again..."Let your heart guide you." So he did. He walked to Kim and laid his hands on the transporter control and simply switched of his mind and started giving in some coordinates. When he finished, he looked at Kim. "Give me a minute to go to transporter room one and then beam." When she materialized on the platform, he almost died. She was obviously in pain, her clothes torn to pieces, blood covering her body. He didn't know how to lift her, wherever he touched her, she hissed with pain. Finally he was able to lift her up. Big tears were rolling down his cheeks and he had to order the site-to-site transport to the computer twice, because it didn't recognize his voice. They materialized in her quarters and he summoned the doctor. Doctor gave her some painkillers and spent almost two hours on her with a dermal regenerator. Chakotay told him not to speak about the captains' condition when she arrived and he just nodded and just before he left the quarters, he turned and laid his hand on Chakotay's shoulder. "She will be ok commander, you will have to help her." "Thanks, Doc, Ill do my best." He smiled and returned to her. She was laying on her bed the pain gone. But there was something in her eyes, which scared him. It was the emptiness of her eyes. The newt days, she was so silent. Never talking about what happened. Chakotay tried to find the ship of the kidnappers, but they were gone. He was very close to a complete body collapse of the lack of sleep. They sat in her quarters as she started to talk about her experience. She told him about being tortured and....about being raped. There were big tears on her face and he was not sure what to do. He wanted to hug her and hold her tight, but he was not sure. She was so vulnerable. She glanced to him and screamed. "Damn it Chakotay, hug me finally. Only the thought of you helped me through the humiliation. I need to know I am able to feel love again. Please, make love to me. Now." He blinked. This was not what he expected. He hugged her and kissed her hair "Kathryn. I don't think that would be wise. You are still in emotional stress and..." He was silenced with a kiss. Passionate kiss expressing love and need matching his own. "Shut up Chakotay. You talk too much and now, make love to me. That's an order. Take it as a belated gift for my birthday." He blinked and looked at her again. And there was it back. He could see the small flames in her eyes that were making her eyes look so terribly sexy and beautiful. He knew, she was back. And she was HIS.