Circle by Kasumi Hai
	STAR TREK : JOURNALS The task was finally accomplished on the fourth day of the away mission. We had managed to pry out the odd shape I had discovered. The word 'pry' might be too crude; it was more like a delicate surgical procedure, freeing the object from its rocky resting place. Then with I heading the 'transporting' part of the task, the object was ferried back to the ship. Now it floated in stasis, waiting for analysis. I couldn't wait to lay my hands on the find. What mysteries would it yield? What geological and archaelogical stories? Someone had unofficially christened it 'the Egg' which it resembled. But it was too smooth, too perfect to be an egg. Another team-member casually mentioned that it might be a fossilized egg. Possible. Another incident which I had carefully noted in my logs was the discovery of the fragment of some stone tablet. The size of my palm, it caught my eye when I was checking out the strange canyon-filled planet the StarSeeker was orbiting. The fragment was non-descript, greyish-pink in color. On it was a circle, seemingly carved into it. It filled me with excitement and a rising sense of elation. A fragment. An historical, archaeological find. The possibility of a writing numbering system. Who wrote it? There was an intelligence behind the drawing of the circle... Of course, I submitted my findings to the captain. She shared the same jubilation as well. Afterall, she was also a science officer. "Mmmm," Hathaway mused as I sat in front of her desk, in her elegant ready-room. "The signs of an old civilization... But remember, Lt Hai, we shouldn't count the chickens before they hatch." I recalled as I walked out from her office, that I found the captain's reference to hatching rather uncanny. I took a break from my analysis of the geological discovery. Already, the computer was in the process of interpretating the data. The Messhall was filled with crewmembers having their meals. I ordered curry and rice, something I had not enjoyed for months, and found a place near the window to eat. I looked around. Tom wasn't there. He was having his shift. I chuckled ruefully to myself. I found my attachment to him getting a little too sentimental. I was damned sure that we were the topic for gossip and speculation on the ship. At first, I thought that it was amusing. It was startling when the ship's helmsman asked me out the moment the ship moved out from the space-station. Then I was surprised that we 'clicked' instantly and before I knew it, we were busy carrying out our own private explorations. It was even more amusing to find our quarters virtually assigned next to each other, thanks to the planning of some clever officer. But he was terribly sweet ... and not at all happy to find out that I was a workaholic. Genetic trait, I told him mock-wickedly, my ancestors burned that into me long time ago. Yet gazing at the groups forming around the tables, the laughter and chatter of several officers and crewmen, I experienced a pang of regret. Perhaps being a loner wasn't that good afterall ... I needed that loneliness! I needed the space to work, debate and theorise in my own private world. The fact that I was a trained archaelogicist-cum-geologist revealed that I had to have the space and time to analysis my findings, write out my reports. Intense, yes. And the sacrifices I made in the name of science ... My stomach reminded me that my body also needed nourishment. So I picked up the fork and scooped up a small goblet of rice and curry. I opened my mouth ... and stood up from the river, streams of water running down my bare arms, down my slick hair. I gazed up at the sky, at the strange sky with its pinkish-blue tint, its lack of white clouds. Then I heaved the big fish up the shore, using all my strength. The big fish was silver, with a pink belly. Its mouth was a hard beak, its eyes dark and shimmering. With the obsidian flint-knife in my hand, I slit the belly, exposing the rich find inside it. Eggs, clusters, thousands and thousands of them. Rich tiny orbs of perfection. They gleamed gold under the sun. I saw myself reflected into thousands of mes. I scooped up a handful and watched the gold eggs glisten as I put them to my mouth. Sweetness, saltiness burst sporadically. I was filled with a sense of completion. There would be more of the big fish. They usually come up the river to spawn, to complete the circle. Something dropped. It was my knife. It clattered and everyone turned to stare curiously at me. I shook myself and saw that I had somehow dropped the fork. "Er, the curry was too hot," I lied and the reason given, they returned back to their normal conversations. The vision or daydream was still vivid in my mind. I could still feel the dampness and taste the fish eggs. Dang, Kas! You have been working too much and now you are dreaming of being Miss Survival Extraordinare! I chided myself and tried to hide my embarrassment. Tom was standing outside the Cargo Bay as I strode out from the turbolift, my mind spinning with the images of my bizarre dream. His arms were folded across his chest and he leant against the door nonchalantly. For a moment, I stopped in my tracks and watched him. Blonde, with eyes of the clearest blue, he looked good in his command-red uniform. "So there you are!" He said brightly as I walked towards him. "I have been looking everywhere for you." "I was having my lunch," I said smiling briefly before activating my tricorder. "Now would you excuse me for a while? I have work to do." "Kasumi! Are you forgetting about our date tonight?" His voice was mildly reproachful. His eyes were dark with disappointment. "Remember?" Date? I stared at him blankly. Then it struck me. I had indeed forgotten about it. I had promised, once I'd finished the digging assignment, that I would sail with him under the moons of Risa, a program in the Holodeck. "I am sorry," I said, de-activating the tricorder for later use. But something in me was urging me to go in, see the geological find. "You are turning into a work-demon," he complained. "Maybe I am but this comes along with the package," I said as he placed his arm around my waist. Tom snorted and bent down to kiss me on the forehead. "I have been warned." Despite of myself, I smiled affectionately. "Pinot Noir or plain old boring sythehol?" We entered the turbolift. "Pinot Noir," I grinned. As the lift door hissed shut, I caught a glimpse of the Cargo Bay. Some thing was in there and I needed to find out what it was. I woke up suddenly. It was a strange dream, similar to the one in the Messhall. But this one had me standing on a plateau, gazing into the sky. I seemed upset and my body felt the wrenching sorrow of parting. I was lifting my hand to my eyes, shielding me from the glare of the sun. And a great star shot up and disappeared in a brilliant flower of light. I lay on the bed, stilling my breathing and my wildly-beating heart. Am I ill and suffering from hallucinations? Did I pick up something when I was planet-bound? I shifted slightly in the sheets and disturbed the sleeping man next to me. He opened his eyes, his hair dishevelled. "Bad dream?" Tom asked softly. "I am not sure," I sat up. "But this is a weird one." Gazed at the chronometer. "Damn, it's still three hours before my shift!" Tom got up too and bit me at the base of my throat, growling softly. "Sleep for a while, Kas ..." I kissed him back and stroked the back of his neck. "You know, I do have a vivid imagination. That might explain everything ..." "You should have become an author," he teased. His hands were doing some really inciteful things. He eased me down again. "Or a full-time historian." I muffled a giggle and caressed his arms. "Being a historian sounds nice actually. I might consider it as an alternative option ..." It was almost my shift again when I woke up. I sighed. Back to the Cargo Bay. Back to the Egg. Still quietness greeted me when I entered into the Cargo Bay. My skin prickled as I felt the stasis field. It was cold in the Bay; I could experience the chill through the thickness of the uniform. I took out my tricorder and the additional PADD. Then I faced it. It --- the Egg, the fossil, whatever --- glowed under the lights of the stasis field. It hovered in midair, a silent imposing thing. The whole entire ovoid form glimmered with a faint gold tint, reminding me of a jewelled Easter egg I had seen when I was a child. It appeared huge and delicate at the same time, for some strange reason. As tall as a six-footer, majestic as a megalith. Yet, with the combination of the stasis force and the lightings of the Bay, it emanated fragility. I had gasped in admiration and awe when we first discovered it tucked snuggily amongst volcanic black rock. Its pinkish-beige color contrasted with the obsidian stone. My first thought was: A sign of civilization. However, being the scientist, I wanted to seek out the evidence before jumping to conclusions. Many had made mistakes, fatal ones when they based their theories on flimsy data. After all, StarSeeker had reported no signs of lifeforms on the planet 3X-47 of the star system Tartarus. But its structure, its shape begged to differ... Carefully, I programmed the stasis field to slowly fade away as I positioned the 'egg' gently on the floor for the analysis. Supported by a large tripod, it rested without the slightest wobble. I picked up my tricorder and started to run scans down the surface of the ovoid. I measured its height and its diameter. I tested for geological change, texture and geological age. The tricorder beeped discreetly, announcing the end of the internal scans. I glanced at it, resisting a temptation to tap the ovoid lightly on the surface. DNA. I turned to stare at the result. DNA. DNA? I mouthed a silent oath. I read the tricorder data again. DNA? This wasn't possible! I ran the scan, waited impatiently for the result and it repeated the same answer: DNA. Tissue in the ovoid thing? It wasn't the whole thing but it was localized in a specific area : the centre. Which meant the thing must have a hollow centre. Which meant that the description of 'egg' might be correct after all. "Computer, initialize a full external and internal scan", I said, now using the ship's computer. Silence while I stewed. DNA. Only DNA. Not human, animal or alien. Just DNA. There was tissue within that thing and --- "Scan completed. Do you want the results?" The feminine voice said calmly. "Yes. Feed it into my own computer", I said, glaring hard at the ovoid shape. I thought of animal DNA. "Computer, verify if the DNA found in the find is either human, animal or alien." "Complying." Another wait. I breathed out sharply when the computer announced that the DNA was both animal and alien. Great Gods above and below! Animal and alien! I almost ran to my own computer and initialized the downloaded files. The files gave tantalizing yet frustrating answers. The thing seemed to have three thick layers of a calcium allod not found on Earth and other Federated planets. There was a faint ---very faint --- skeletal structure within a hollow cavity but due to the thickness of the 'shell', the entire skeleton couldn't be discerned. I flung an agitated glance at the vexing object. Animal and alien? The problem was: who laid it? Animal? Alien? Was there a higher intelligence governing this supposedly animal/alien? Excitement and a rising hope flowed quickly in my veins. I looked as if I was poised on a major discovery ... or a major flaw. CHIEF SCIENCE OFFICER'S LOG: STAR DATE 4608.5 I have begun analysis on the ovoid geological find we had discovered on Planet 3X-47. The results I had received at the end of today's scans provide tantalizing glimpses. The scans show an egg-like form with three layers of an unknown calcium alloid and a hollow cavity in which a faint skeletal structure is found. The shape of the skeleton is indiscernisible due to the thickness of the 'shell'. I can't describe what I am feeling at the moment. But I am feeling excitement and hope. I used to find the nickname given to the ovoid find amusing. "Fossil" and "Egg" now seem less ludicrious and more probable. Now I am filled with questions. Who laid the egg? Was it a creature both animal and alien? Was the creature just a simple dweller of the planet, long gone extinct? Was it more? The questions are endless, all providing exciting and perplexing scenarios, possibilities. I leaned back into my chair, ending the recording of my official log. Vestiges of the adrenaline rush brought by the scans were still in my nerves and I shifted restlessly, wanting to go back to the Cargo Bay. My fingers itched to do something positive, although I had given myself a half-hour. I closed my eyes for a brief respite. Circles, big ones and small ones. There are other shapes too: semi-circles and almonds. They appear like non-words... My eyes flew open and I rubbed them furiously. It seemed that circles and semi-circles were spinning in my mind, an endless eternal dance. I stood up and loosened my ponytail in frustration. Slowly, I turned to face the 'egg' and I fixed it with an angry glare. What are you trying to tell me? I thought. What are you? On the main viewscreen, Planet 3X-47 was a child's ball, spinning in its destined path. Swathed in white, it appeared mysterious, beckoning us to reveal its secrets. Its slightly reddish tinge reminded me of Mars. Unlike the Red Planet, this one displayed traces of water, lots of it. But like Mars, it was full of serpentine canyons, ravines and majestic plateaux. An eerily beautiful planet, awesome in the sunset and stately under the moons' light. The fact that the initial scans showed no obvious lifeforms did not faze Captain Hathaway. She was looking forward to explore the planet which was oxygen-rich. Almost like Earth, a primeaval pristine Earth. Now as I gazed at the reddish planet displayed on the screen, I felt frustration pulsating in my veins. The swirling clouds seemed to mock me and my efforts to delve into its innermost parts. I fumed under my breath and re-concentrated my attention on the panels of my science station. The turbolift hissed open and Captain Hathaway and Tom came out together. The captain nodded to me warmly and strode to her command chair. She had read my reports and expressed her interest. "A skeletal form in a hollow cavity?", she mused as she read my PADD intently. "You know, this reminds me of my childhood. My father used to bring me to the Museum and I used to be so fascinated with the dinosaur eggs." "Captain," I had countered, "do you think ...?" Her grey eyes only twinkled and I was left with all my doubts and hopes. As for Tom, I glanced at his back as he took his position at the CONN. He knew that I was watching. In fact, the Bridge seemed to crackle with the barely-suppressed tension between the both of us. My body, startling me once more with its needs, was beginning to distract me from my work. I stared hard at my console and pretended indifference. A hand tapped my console for attention and it was Captain Hathaway, looking at me with a wry expression. "You look perturbed," she observed in her low voice. "Are the scans inconclusive?" "Sorry, captain." I smoothed my uniform in embarrassment. "I have done the scans. So far they are still the same. No life-forms. This is incompatible with the data I have accumulated. What about the skeletal form? This doesn't make sense at all!" "Have you done an intermal scan of the whole planet instead, umm? Check the sedimentary deposits, the geological composition..." Hathaway suggested helpfully while she scrutinized my features with a shrewd look on her patrician face. I flushed, feeling my age and my relative lack of experience. "I am thinking about this, captain. Thank you", I said softly. She flicked a quick look at the direction of the CONN. "Or are you worried about something more... personal?" Her voice was kind, uninstrusive. I felt the flush turning deeper in my face. "I am... not worried." The captain chuckled and Lt-Commander Kingsley, the tactical officer, gazed up from his station, mild amusement on his face. "Take care, Hai." The captain said gently and walked away, leaving me with a mad desire to sink into the ground. It was terrible when the captain could read you like an open book. The glorious orgasm rippled up my spine and through my limbs like a hot stream of lava. I gasped with pleasure, spent, and dropped onto the bed, breathing hard. Tom gave a throaty laugh and stroked my hair as we lay entwined together. Of course, I had my revenge tonight. Furthermore, he turned on me with an uncommon savagery. It was so un-StarFleet of us, enthuasiastically sharing each other's rooms like over-grown teenagers. Many captains and commanders did not allow co-habiting on their ships, with one exception being the Enterprise's captain Picard, who allowed families onboard his vessel. Celibacy was acceptable but many single officers and crewmen had to deal with their urges intelligently. It was always inevitable for couples to form while they were serving onboard. I had this feeling that Captain Hathaway had closed one eye, keeping this area of StarFleet life open-ended. I was trying to balance my working life with my love/sex life. StarFleet Academy did not train me to become someone's "relief-aid". It trained me for the beauties of space-travel and exploration, to seek out new lifeforms and civilizations. It imbued me with the desire for science, to learn new things. I wanted to explore, to learn, to feel the glory of deep space. Since I was a child, I wanted to serve on a starship which in my child's eyes had attained the status of godlike importance. Slipping out from the bed, I kissed Tom and tiptoed to the washroom. I would like a bath. The jet of warm water soothed my skin, washing and cleansing. I relished in the warmth, smiling to myself. Then when I had finished, I wrapped a towel around my damp body and moved to the mirror which was fogged up with the steam. For a moment, I stared at the layer of steam. I felt a sudden impulse to draw something. I reached out a finger --- and traced the writing system on the gritty earth. Then I started to write the words. Words of teaching, of learning, of bridging the gap between two worlds. "Kas, what are you doing?" Something snapped, my concentration wavered. I shuddered and looked at what I had done. I had apparently doodled in a frenzy, tracing out lots of circles, semi-circles and strange symbols. All these occupied the entire mirror, from the top to bottom. I had, in an unconsciously manic mood, written out gibberish that looked like words and non-words. "Oh my God," I put a hand on my mouth in fright and awe. "Kas, are you alright?" Tom asked, his voice sharpened by concern. He flung a glance at the columns of gibberish. "I am not losing my mind," I muttered and shivered from chill. "I am not losing my mind." "Do you ...need to see Doctor V'lirek?" Tom held me tightly and shook me gently. "I ..." I was lost for words. I grabbed on to Tom, suddenly frightened. Was I coming apart with the stress of space travel? I simply stared at the symbols on the mirror, now fading with the rising heat. "Poor Kas," Tom whispered softly and carried me, unprotestingly, back to the bed. He put me down and ordered me to sleep, rest. V'lirek eyed me with a speculative look on her smooth Vulcan face. Her medical tricorder beeped discreetly and she turned away with a slight bow to me before tending to her equipment. Tom was not that calm and cool as the doctor; chagrin showed plainly on his face and he seemed to stand on hot coals. V'lirek had, at first, lifted her eyebrow at the show of human emotions but she kept quiet, all medical professional. "Did you feel any discomfort ? " V'lirek asked then, her voice smooth and carefully modulated. "No, Doctor. " I shook my head. " These ...dreams come on and off." "Interesting, " V'lirek said and walked over to her computer, summoning up files. Tom took the opportunity to speak to me. "Did you tell her about the writing on the mirror?" He muttered softly under his breath. "Not yet," I shivered at the remembrance of the memory. Circles, half-circles and strange dots... "Tom, do you... think I am suffering from some form of psychosis?" "That is only speculation," V'lirek appeared next to me, silent as a cat. "May I ask what kind of writing is that?" "Lots of circles, half-circles and dots," I shuddered. "They look part of a writing system." "Intriguing," the doctor said. "There are cases in Federation history with humanoids suffering from self-inflicted fantasises, creating their own private worlds, so much so they locked out reality... Not that I am saying that you are suffering from this affliction but this is worth a thought." I sat up straighter. "And some dreams remind me of flashbacks, as if I have experienced these events before ..." "Psychic resonances," V'lirek nodded. "Continue, please, Lieutenant." "Sometimes I feel like a conduit, a tap. This is the strangest feeling of all..." V'lirek lifted her eyebrow again, this time --- I thought --- in surprise. She strode swiftly to her computer, glanced at it and returned back, her face calm. She held a hypospray in her hand. She pressed it on my neck. A brief jab of pain and I felt better. "You are probably overworked, Lt. Hai", she said. Tom exploded. "Overworked?!" V'lirek watched him with thinly-disguised disdain. "I can understand your concern but there is nothing to worry about. Lt Hai, keep an open mind." Her Vulcan eyes were dark and enigmatic. As I left Sickbay with Tom, I could feel V'lirek looking. Despite Tom's protests, I returned back to Cargo Bay and resumed my work. The Egg hummed in stasis, bathed in golden light. For a split-second, I thought I saw it wobble. I rubbed my eyes and there it was, steady and stable. Who are you? I mused and activated my PADD. Keep an open mind, advised the doctor herself. For the rest of the day, I spent it speculating and theorising. While the Egg floated in mid-air, as if in anticipation. There was a dream (or daydream) that I didn't tell Tom and V'lirek. In this dream/flashback sequence, I was flying. In the sky. There was so much freedom and so much joy, drinking in the wind and feeling the cold crisp air on bare skin. The sky was pink. Below me were ravines, canyons and twisting rivers. They rushed beneath me, a panorama of colors. "Dreaming again, Hai?" It was Ensign Jeremy Chan, one of the members from my away team. A smart kid, sometimes smart-alecky. But he was kind and sweet. Now he was bearing a full tray. "Oh," I shook my head and turned my attention back to the bowl of plomeek soup. "Sit, sit." I gestured warmly. "Heard from folks you paid a visit to the Permafrost Lady," Jeremy said, spooning in rice. I chuckled at the blatant (and rude) reference to V'lirek. An insubordinate term. But Jeremy's eyes were joking. "News travelled fast," I said non-commitantly. "Advice from me, Lt: take a break!" The ensign's tone was half-admonishing. "You are too well-known as a workaholic!" "Are you giving me a lecture, ensign?" I said, knowing that I had a wry smile on my lips. Jeremy threw up his hands in a sign of deference and surrender. "No, ma'am!" "Then finish your rice," I grinned and gave him a friendly punch on the arm. "Yes, great one!" He grinned too, a roguish one which was at odds with his baby face. Suddenly my commbadge beeped and I automatically tapped it. "Hai here." It was Captain Hathaway and she sounded excited. "Come to the Bridge. There is something you need to see." "I will be right there!" I said and stood up, adrenaline pumping in my veins. "Bye, Jeremy. You see, work follows me everywhere." I stepped out onto the Bridge proper. The Captain was there, standing next to the junior science officer I knew as Lakshimi. Hathaway turned, her expression well-controlled. But I realized that she was nervous. "Look at this," Lakshimi said, pointing at the panels. I took a look. Then scrutinized closer. "Signs of water." "And from a supposedly-barren planet," Hathaway said. "This was taken an hour ago," Lakshimi continued. "When did it happen?" I took over the Indian's position and ran a full scan. The H20 count had increased significantly. "Approximately two hours," Hathaway answered. "This is a miracle. Water coming from a barren planet." "There were small trickle-like springs when I first landed," I mused softly. "Now it seems that rivers are sprouting up everywhere!" A strange warmth ran up my spine. "Geological disturbances?" Lakshimi queried, her dark liquid eyes blazing with lots of questions. "There were traces of earthquakes," I read from the scan. "Measuring about 4.5 on the Richter Scale." I glanced at the Captain and the young ensign. "At the moment, a solid landing on the planet might be a little difficult." I pursed my lips. "With your permission, Captain, can I be allowed to do an aerial sweep of the areas affected by the earthquakes?" Hathaway nodded. The shuttlecraft lifted out from the Bay easily. I sat, my nerves taut with excitement. Good gods, water ... on a barren planet. And my dreams ...becoming reality ... Ensign Lakshimi was accompanying me on this mission. Her face was suffused with barely-contained joy. I shared her sentiments. Both science officers, we were eager to see the evidence. We entered into the planet's atmosphere and exited into a clear day. I looked out from the window, saw the pinkish-orange ravines and the unmistakable flash of running water. Lakshimi piloted the craft closer and sure enough it was, a river, roaring away, full of life. The water glistened silver and white, the waves leaping. "Scanning the area, ma'am." The ensign said, mirroring my admiration and awe. "Lt Hai, there are... lifeforms in the water!" "WHAT?" "Lifeforms, like ...like fish. BIG fish." I shivered. "Do the 'fish' happen to have beaks?" I ventured a tentative query. "They are moving too fast, up-stream. I couldn't catch their actual size and shape." Lakshimi said, shaking her head sadly. "Why do you ask?" She said timidly. "I used to catch trout and salmon when I was a child," I lied. "I am comparing our Earth game-fish to this new-found species." I grinned when the young ensign sheepishly lowered her head. "Well, I am only speculating. Sometimes, they might not be fish afterall." My heart pumped hard and I sucked in a breath. I leaned back against the chair. CHIEF SCIENCE OFFICER'S LOG STARDATE 4625.5 Planet 3X-47 is constantly yielding surprises. Miracles. First, the barren planet is filled with rivers, teeming with the strange fish-like lifeforms. Second, there are signs of vegetation, small tiny fungi-like plants. It seems to be in the stages of evolution, a primeval world still in the grips of creation. But all the evidence contradicts with the stone fragment I have found. The fragment with the circle. There was a civilization once on the planet, a thinking and writing civilization. And the Egg... Was it a relic from the planet's past? Or was it left by some passing alien ship, like the stone fragment, a kind of space debris, garbage? I stopped the log and re-scanned it again, disturbed. Flexing my arms, I continued: Or ...or are my dreams and flashbacks linked to the past? An inexplicable link whereby I, supposedly psychically sensitive, am connected to ... My head throbbed and I rubbed my temples. I was not psychically sensitive. None of my family members and relatives were, except for an aunt who was half-Betazoid. And she was only a distant relative. I recalled what I had told V'lirek. A conduit, a tap. Sighing, I halted my recording, hesitating whether to delete it or not. At last, I decided to keep it hanging. I rubbed my stiff neck, sighing. I had an argument with Tom later that evening. He found my interest in the Egg and Planet 3X-47 interfering with other aspects of my life. Furthermore, he was increasingly concerned for my welfare after the 'weird incident', a reference to the writings on the mirror. On my part, I was miffed. I was aware of his concern. But this was my job! I was supposed to be a science officer on a scientific mission, onboard a science ship. The Egg was my find and Planet 3X-47 was now occupying most of my concerns. "I have a feeling that I am finding something conclusive at last," I said, hands on my hips. I knew I was glaring. "Yeah, I know." The comment was a derisive snort. "Look," I tried to control my rising anger. "Just look. Planet 3X-47 is exhibiting strange signs and this is a ripe opportunity for all of us to carry out investigations." He did not say anything. Just sullen. I had enough. Enough of narrow-mindedness. Enough of insensitivity. "Alright!" I snapped and stormed towards the door. Tom did not stop me. "I am going to my quarters!" The door opened, I stalked out and it closed like a hissing comment behind my back. I turned back. It was still shut. I went to my quarters. It smelled new. Feeling embarrassed and still angry, I took off my uniform and headed for my bed. Pride was a cold bedfellow that night. By the next morning, my anger had dissipated. I woke up, disoriented by dreams of flying and writing cursive-looking symbols. I washed up and was in the process of wearing my uniform when the door chimed. Fumbling with the sleeves, I struggled into the uniform. The proud colors of gold and black, I noted briefly before answering the door. It was Tom, looking as if he had not a restful night. "Good morning," I said clippedly, the familiar anger coming up my throat. Tom looked at me, sighed. "Well, if you are not saying anything, I am closing the door. I have more things to do." I knew that I was being mean. "Kas!" That elicited an urgent reply. "He speaks," I said drily. "Kas," his word was almost a low growl. "Stop making me do this in front of you." "Do what?" I went over to the replicator instead, leaving him standing at the doorway. "How can you ever accept an apology if you are so hard-hearted?!" I felt a smile wrinkling my lips. I smoothed my face and glanced over at him. "Well, just don't stand there! Your eggs benedict is not getting any colder." He looked puzzled for a few heart-beats, then got the meaning. I sat in the Cargo Bay, watching the Egg. I was tired, my mind refusing to work anymore. Jeremy Chan came earlier to hand me readings taken from Engineering. They had detected a bizarre energy transmission occuring when the earthquakes happened. He suggested that it was the energy transmission which had caused the earthquakes, which then triggered the floods. I only nodded. I was running out of fresh ideas. I was bluffing when I said that I was finding something conclusive. At the time, I felt the need to stand my ground. Now I was running in circles. Frowned. Why must that be a reference to 'circles'? Fumed and bent towards the computer with forced industry. A scratching sound disturbed me from my work. I tossed my head up to look for the source of the scratching. It was a soft kree-kreek sound which seemed to be getting louder every minute. I listened hard --- and pinpointed the source of the kree-kreek ...to the Egg. I gasped, almost fainting. Almost unbidden, the image came to me of hatching and it took me a while to fathom what the hell was going on. The kree-kreek became louder. The Egg was wobbling! No ...shaking like a tuning fork ... Instinct made me run to the stasis fields, lowered the Egg (by now, shaking violently) onto the floor and ran back to a safe place to call the Captain. "Hai to the Bridge," I panted, half with fear and half with excitement. "Yes, Lt?" "Captain, I think you BETTER come quick to the Cargo Bay. Something is happening to the Egg!" "I will be right there!" Call terminated, I stood in awe and fear. The Egg was shaking hard now and I could see hair-line fissures criss-crossing the stony shell. The kree-kreek filled the entire Bay now and I realized that it was not scratching but the cry of something. Captain Hathaway entered with a burst of energy and she too gaped at the sight. With a sharp kerrack, the Egg split neatly into halves. Hathaway and I reached automatically for our phasers. At first I thought the creature emerging from the shell fragments was cute. It had a triangular reptlinoid head, two large luminous eyes and a long spine-lined neck. The rest of the body slipped out, covered with birth fluid, all four legs and a curvy long tail. A pair of wings, crumpled and damp, pressed against the body. I was reminded of stories of dragons, dragons of lore and legend. That this creature looked exactly like one from my fantasy books. Darkened by the fluid, I couldn't distinguish the color of the dragon-creature. It lay quietly on the floor, making the soft kree-kreek noise. It appeared fragile, like an infant (which it was). With a soft whistling breath, it got to its wobbly feet and took its first steps. I smelled a strange scent in the Bay, somewhere between coppery metallic and salty sea-kelp. "Be careful, Hai!" Hathaway warned, holding her phaser like a talisman. "Its coming for you!" I noticed the dragon-creature shakily ambling its way to me. I backed away. "What is it?" Hathaway edged closer to me, her body shielding mine. "Looks like a dragon," I said, frightened by the luminous eyes which were looking straight at me. "Dragons are fantasy creatures," Hathaway whispered. "Though they could be found in Berengeria." The dragon-creature seemed to trip, crushing its fragile wings. It was too much. I pushed away the Captain and scuttled to the fallen animal. Hathaway shouted a warning. I placed my hands on the warm body. Not scales. Leathery, soft. I helped it up. It turned its eyes on me and I became lost in that shimmering regard. * You Guide. Counsellor. * I shook my head, hearing the voice in it. * Guide * "Lt Hai! Kasumi!" Another voice, urgent, desperate. The luminous eyes, a beautiful golden sheen, blinked. * Help * A hand rough on my shoulders. The contact snapped. My head exploded into splinters of pain. I winced. "Kasumi, are you alright?" Hathaway was shaking me gently. I slowly came too, seeing the captain's worried face and a blurred line of security officers. I nodded and then I felt a warm claw on my arm. The dragon-creature was next to me. If I could read its facial expression, I could place it between chagrin and dismay. "It seems ...to be ...asking for help, "I said, my head throbbing with the telepathic link. "It called me a 'Guide' and 'Counsellor' ." CHIEF SCIENCE OFFICER'S LOG STARDATE 4627.5 The dragon-alien is all wonder. The moment it has hatched from the shell it never stops exploring the Cargo Bay. And it has a voracious appetite, keeping the Messhall staff busy with food requests. It seems to be attracted to me and to me only. Other officers who try to touch it will get snapped at like a possessive animal. But it is no animal. It has eyes that sparkle with intelligence and it is telepathic. The bond it has established seems to grow stronger and more firmer as it grows physically. I try to establish the gender of the dragon-alien. The voice in my mind sounds feminine. I also wonder about its name ... "Come," I attempted to coax the alien into eating, holding a plate of fresh meat. "Come." The dragon eyes gazed at me, a lovely rainbow shimmering. "It's meat," I said sweetly. It ambled over, sniffed the contents testily and started to wolf everything down. "Hey, hey!" I cautioned gently and firmly. "Eat slowly. There's plenty more." It slowed down, apparently understanding my words. Licking its lips, it glanced at me. * Guide * "You mean me?" I pointed at myself, sitting down on the floor. * Yes * "Why am I your Guide?" I took the empty plate away and instead activated my PADD, intending to write anything down. * You are our Guide * "No," I shook my head. "Tell me your reason." * There is a prophecy. * "Prophecy?" Gods, a proper sentence. Not simple animal sentience. "What prophecy?" I stared, suddenly frightened, at the dragon-alien. It mentioned about 'our', implying that there might be more of its kind. A civilization. * There is a prophecy that a female of a different race will come and help us. She will guide and counsel us * I shuddered, a chill gripping my body like an iron vise. "And I am the female of a different race." * Yes * The dragon looked at me, a kind expression. "Why me?" I rasped, finding a voice to my fear. * You are the one who found me and the prophecy has dictated that the female will find her Partner * I narrowed my eyes. "So you are supposed to be my Partner?" * Yes * This was getting too scary. I thought of the Prime Directive. And other nasty incidents where trusting folks fell prey to insidious aliens who acted the suffering soul. Just then a chilling thought flitted through my mind. I shuddered. "So you are the one who put those dreams into my head!" I said. "And those words ... you put them into my mind too!" * ? * I fled from the Cargo Bay. ... A barren windswept plateau. I could taste sand on my tongue. It was truely barren. Lack of life-giving vegetation. The sky was a constant pink. In my soul, I could hear the children cry. And their children and their children's. I shook my head, pushing the dream away as if it was the plague. "Stop!" I breathed. "Stop putting them into my head!" Then I knelt and wrote down Mixxim. Mixxim word-symbols. I spoke too and someone recorded my voice. "No ...please stop ..." I gasped, my head throbbing with the insistent dreams. "Kas," someone hugged me tightly. "Kas, shhhh ...its okay ..." "Ask her to stop," I sobbed. "Please ... " Then I was on my feet, running out from the quarters , and headed for the turbolift. I had vague impressions of crewmen who gaped at me in shock. When I reached the Bay, I realized that I was only in my slip. The door whisked open. I walked in. The dragon-alien was sitting there, her wings half-spread. Her eyes looked at me knowingly. "Why must you play mind-games with me?" I demanded. * It is the only way * I strode steadily towards her. "Rixxir, psychic manipulation is evil." I halted. I had called out a name ... her name. * It is my only way to convey my wishes. * I bent down before her, my face a few inches of the dragon mouth. I could see sharp teeth. ** The Mixxim were once an advanced civilization. We were a society of poets, artists and adminstrators. Our planet --- O'olis --- was rich, fertile with abundant food and water. We hunted the great fish and the antlered birds. Everything was beautiful, perfect, complete. We believed in perfection, in completion. Even our writing system spoke of our desire for perfection. We looked to the moons, for their radiance and for their perfect roundness. We looked at the orbits of the stars and the planet, loving their pre-destined paths. But we were a race of hunters. We had been given teeth, claws and fangs to hunt, not to write poetry, or admire the star-paths. We were aggressive in nature. Thus we fought. O'olis was affected by our intercine wars. We had abandoned our culture, our art. We turned to war, with our teeth and our claws. Fires burned incessantly, days and nights. The rivers clogged and dried up. Eggs were stolen or dashed on stones. Our children died, by the thousands. When the wars stopped, finally, O'olis was a dead world. Dead, life-gone-out. The survivors of the wars straggled to the canyons, finding what they could eat. The surviving vegetation was stripped bare. But they were still very hungry. Then one of the Elders, O'tikkit'o, prophesied. He prophesied that a female of a different race, not ours, would come and help us. She would guide us and help us temper our aggression, reclaim our culture back. When she comes, O'olis would return back to her fertile self again. Everyone rejoiced. But O'tikkit'o only sighed and said that to fulfil part of the prophesy, the surviving Mixxim mated-pairs must mate again and lay. After their last egg-laying, they would have to die. So the mated-pairs took to the sky for the last time, bonded and laid their last clutches which they tucked into dark recesses of canyons and ravines. Hoping one day the Guide would come and find them. Then she would wake them up. Mixxim are born with memories passed down from generation to generation. In a way, their parents do not die, for their memories are in their children's. O'tikkit'o also spoke of the Partner who would stay with the Guide. This Partner would channel everything it knew to the Guide, helping her learn Mixxim culture, Mixxim language. The prophesy has another ending too: after ten turnings of O'olis around the sun, the great shining star would appear, bearing more Guides. Help us, Guide. ** The eyes of Rixxir were sad, as if she was remembering the tragic events of her world. I reached for her and she extended out her right claw, touching my hand. "And I am the Guide?" I said softly. * I am your Partner. * I slowly shook my head. There was a soft sound and both of us wheeled, both Rixxir and I. It was Tom, watching me with a horrified-awed expression on his face. Captain Hathaway was informed about my 'strange' behavior that night. She was not pleased with me of course. "I have to apologize," I said contritely. Then a little bolder. "But Rixxir told me the whole story..." "Rixxir?" She raised her eyebrow questioningly. "That's the name of the dragon-alien. She is from a race known as the Mixxim." "She told you everything?" Hathaway asked. I nodded. "Planet 3X-47 is called O'olis." "O..O'olis," she stumbled over the name of the Mixxim planet. "Lieutenant Hai, I wish to caution you about these kind of telepathy. You may never know if Rixxir --- or what the alien calls itself --- is insidious or not." "I have thought of this factor already, ma'am." "Also you are aware of the Prime Directive," Hathaway said, her voice turning a little shrewd. I gazed long and hard at the woman. "With due respects, ma'am, I am supposed to be their prophesied Guide, not that I am not aware of the Prime Directive." I controlled a strange anger. "The Mixxim", I stated carefully, "are like the Vulcans. They had a violent past but they were also poets and writers. Now all they seek is to reclaim their culture." "So you are playing Surak to the Mixxim?" I flung a shocked look at the Captain, hearing the jealousy in her voice. She was baiting me ... I was stunned and disgusted that even a distinguished captain like Hathaway would fall prey to jealousy. I thought further. Becoming a chosen guide for an old civilization was a honorable task, a task worthy enough ...perhaps for a captain, and not a mere lieutenant. "I am only using the Vulcans as an analogy," I said finally, calmly. "The Prime Directive stays," Hathaway's tone was chill. "We are leaving for Earth tomorrow. Your assignment has officially finished. As for the alien, it will be transported back to Planet 3X-47." "You can't do this." My voice trembled with anger and frustration. "Don't force me to call Security ..." The Hathaway I was seeing was different from the Hathaway I once knew (or thought I knew). I stiffened. "I can walk out by myself, thank you." I gave her scant courtesy, a mere incline of my head. Tom was waiting for me in front of the Cargo Bay. I was still furious, feeling insulted and enraged. The moment I saw him, my temper snapped. "You snitch," I rapped out. "You told Hathaway everything!" "Well, it was apparent for everyone to see that night!" Tom retorted. "Well." I expelled a sigh. "It's no thanks to you and other inquisitive people that we are returning back to Earth tomorrow. It's no thanks to you that my assignment is officially finished. It's no thanks to you that Rixxir is to be beamed back to O'olis, courtesy of the Prime Directive." "You are out of your mind." "Ever since I brought back the Egg, I have been out of my mind." My control was breaking and I pushed past the man I loved, entering the Cargo Bay. The door shut immediately and I broke down. "Such display of emotions is not appreciated in my homeworld," a cool voice said suddenly. "But given your present state, crying is accepted." "Dr V'lirek!" The dark-haired Vulcan woman was standing next to Rixxir who seemed to have grown to human height. She had also turned a reddish-gold. Surprisingly, Rixxir did not snap at the Vulcan doctor. I wiped away my tears, trying to maintain my composure before the dignified Vulcan. "I am sorry." For both the outburst of anger outside the Bay and the breakdown. V'lirek did not smile in sympathy. But her dark eyes seemed to convey understanding. "I have done a mind-meld with Rixxir. All she has said is true." I almost laughed out in hysteria. "We are leaving for Earth tomorrow and Rixxir ...is to be beamed down to O'olis." V'lirek lifted an eyebrow. "The Prime Directive." I said, knowing that I sounded like a petulant child. "Ah, that." V'lirek said in her cool voice. "Is there another way?" I placed a gentle hand on Rixxir's head. It was warm. "Mutiny is not accepted." "I know that." I whispered. I couldn't sleep that night. Alone on my bed, in my own quarters. Alone in my struggle. For the whole night, I could hear the Mixxim's lamentations like a constant keening in my mind. It was wordless. **** *** **** *** **** *** **** *** **** () **** ** ******** ************ The incessant song drove sleep away effectively. I tossed and turned. I longed for Tom, for his touch. But I seemed to have chased away the closest person I had on the ship. Something was wrong. I could feel in my bones, in my veins. The ship leaving for Earth was wrong. Rixxir going back to O'olis was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong ... Rixxir's song continued. Relentless. Poignant. Painful. Rixxir was transported back to Planet 3X-47/O'olis via beaming. I could hear her protests and screams in my mind when Security officers cordoned off the Cargo Bay area. I could feel her despair and I itched to phaser my way in, help Rixxir. * Guide! * The pain became more wrenching when Rixxir was truely gone. I could have fallen to the floor but someone held me up. * Guide ! Guide ! * This is not StarFleet, I thought as I blindly sought my way back to my quarters, my own workplace dangerous ground. Not StarFleet at all. The StarSeeker broke orbit and headed for Earth. All the while, I heard Rixxir's pain. CHIEF SCIENCE OFFICER'S LOG STARDATE 4601.6 My work has finished. No. Most of it dangles in mid-air. I can hear her crying to me, even as the ship rushes through. Something is wrong. Wrong and unholy about it. I can write the papers, submit my evidences. I can present my findings at conferences. But this is nothing. I feel as if I am not whole anymore. Wrong. The word burned in my mind as I appeared on the Bridge. Officers looked up, edged away. I knew what they saw: hair haphazardly pinned, uniform crumpled, eyes dark with lack of sleep and worry. An officer on the brink of nervous breakdown. Kingsley stepped forward, to warn me. But I gave him a long steady stare and he backed down. Wrong. The Captain stood up, her face frowning away. "What are you doing, Lt. Hai?" She snapped. Wrong. "I have only one request," I said, drawing myself to my fullest height. "Bring me back to O'olis." "You are clearly delusional," Hathaway said, motioning Kingsley to call his staff. I waved a hand, a sharp gesture. "I am not delusional," I stated carefully. "I do not believe in violence. I just want to fulfill the prophecy." Hathaway's face was stone. "Look at me," I said. "Look at me and tell me if I am truely whole. I feel as if I am not whole. Something has gone. Do you think I like this feeling, Captain? I feel awful, in pain, and I can hear her crying out to me, pleading for me to go back." Hathaway's eyes flickered. Everyone had gone absolutely silent. "It is wrong," I said. "Wrong to leave O'olis. I know about the Prime Directive, yes. But I can not ignore a plea for help. Please ... turn back." The Captain did not answer. Instead she sat down, still looking at me, as if transfixed. "I have made my choice," I said firmly. "I am staying on to help the Mixxim." Then I took out a small disk. "Put this into the computer. Do it." An ensign hesitated, then trotted down, got the disk and ran back to his station where he loaded it into the ship's computer. "What I have given you are the Mixxim writing and numerical systems respectively." Like a floodgate suddenly shut, the energy in me dissipated. I gasped and everything turned dark. V'lirek's and Tom's faces were the ones I saw when I opened my eyes. I blinked, seeing Sickbay's lights above my head. I was not in the brig. "You are awake!" Tom said, kissing me impulsively. "You gave us a scare!" It all felt like a dream. "O'olis!" I suddenly remembered and started to get up. V'lirek gently pushed me down. "You have had a traumatic experience," she said but her dark eyes were triumphant. "But the Captain has given orders to return back to the planet." I gasped in surprised delight. "Thank the four moons!" Tom gave me a worried look before hugging me. We kissed exhaustedly, trying to still our frenzied breathing. I grinned to myself. At least normalcy --- in a way --- was returning back. I leaned against Tom, sighing away. I was finally returning to O'olis. Yet there were things I had to settle ... Like Tom and me ... "Do you really have to go?" Tom whispered in my ear, half-urgent, half-teasing. I stroked his neck gently. "I have made my choice." He was silent. "You know," he broke the silence. "I never dreamed that I would meet an Ambassador." Ambassador of the Federation to the Mixxim, a honorific term given by Hathaway who had a change of heart. I kissed him softly on the cheek. "I am not an ambassador. I am their Guide." "It's still the same, Kas." I smiled in the semi-darkness. "Are you ...really willing to abandon everything to be some dragon's nursemaid?" His words were flippant but his arms around me were tight. "Your family, StarFleet, your science career ...me?" That wrenched at my heart. "I don't know ... " I said. "But I have promised the Mixxim." "And promises can't be broken," Tom sighed too, a deep sigh which came from the soul. "Yes." With a low growl, he pushed me onto the bed and savage-tenderly took me again. I realized that it was his way of saying good-bye. EPILOGUE I chose to say good-bye to a few friends onboard StarSeeker. I went to find Jeremy first; he was clearly unhappy but he wished me well, giving me an ornate Chinese knot as a farewell gift. He insisted, his usually-cheerful face gone sad, that he wasn't wasting his replicator rations. I hugged him, sisterly. I kept the Chinese knot close to my heart. V'lirek was in Sickbay when I arrived. Although her face was expressionless, I knew secretly that she was moved as well. Live long and prosper, she bade me calmly, serenely. I had to resist giving her a hug. But I shook her hand, conveying my warmth and my thanks. I found Lakshimi playing her sitar in her quarters and gave her my recorded journals, requesting her to safe-keep them for me. The ensign looked as if she would crumple with the additional weight but she nodded solemnly. There were minor things to worry about: my clothes, my personal mementoes and technical stuff like tricorders and PADDs. Yet, I loaded them into the shuttlecraft with the help of two crewmen. I was touched that Tom was the one who volunteered to send me planet-ward. He stood, stiff and formal, as I took my leave from the Captain who apologized for her actions in the past few days. He did not look at me; his eyes looked straight ahead, all professional helmsman. I admired his courage. "Godspeed to you, Ambassador." Hathaway shook my hand courteously. I bowed. "May the stars of O'olis look over you," I said and Hathaway's eyes widened slightly. Vestiges of the Mixxim were already seeping into me. Rixxir's telepathic connection was starting to do its work, filling me with Mixxim culture and language. I felt, in the days before we came back to Oo'lis and after I had made contact with Rixxir, that a new layer of my personality was being constructed and remoulded. The Mixxim life was transforming me. For a moment, I thought I would explode with the sudden flow of new information, both sensory and cultural --- a conduit overflowing. But I soon got used to it, sitting in my quarters and translating the Mixxim writing and numerical systems. Hathaway and her senior officers saluted. I bowed again and stepped into the shuttlecraft. A gentle feeling of loss throbbed in my body as the shuttlecraft shot out of StarSeeker. I gazed at the dwindling ship, my heart saddened. Beside me, Tom did not speak. Only did his job. As we broke the cloud-cover and proceeded to skim over vast regions of barren land, I scrutinized the world I was going to help. Yes, slight slight traces of life were returning back. "Where should we land, Ambassador Hai?" Tom's voice. Formal and polite. "On that plateau," I pointed. "Next to the H'kitha river." Tom did that alarmed-shocked expression of his when I spoke Mixxim which came so naturally now. When I compared the Kasumi I was to the Kasumi now, I marvelled at the radical transformation. He complied and the shuttlecraft gently landed on the plateau. I waited til the craft completely shut down. The door opened and the ramp slid down. I smiled at Tom warmly and made my way onto Mixxim soil. The wind was blowing sand and I could taste it in my mouth, gritty and earthy. Where I stood, it was completely barren, though I could hear the H'kitha river roaring past the plateau. Pebbles and small stones ratted under my feet. Tom carried the boxes out and placed them neatly on the ground. His face was grave. At last, the task was done and Tom gazed at the boxes as if he was sorry. Then he lifted his gaze to me. He was mournful now. I wanted to tell him that I loved him. "Tom ... " "Well, this is it." He said, his voice softened by grief. I could hear wings in the sky. Tom's eyes widened as he saw what was behind me. "Will her Excellency care to give this officer a last kiss?" Tom said. I heard Rixxir landing, her wings working and her claws scrapping the earth. I nodded. Then I was crushed against Tom and I felt my tears running down unstopped. The kiss was long, passionate. Already I felt the pain of parting. He broke away and I sighed. "Good luck, Kas ..." He said, smiling a little. "You too," I said smiling. He lingered for a while. Slowly, agonizing, he turned away, looking back once, twice. I waved. He entered the shuttlecraft and I knew it was final. The shuttlecraft hummed into life, the thrusters priming away and it lifted vertically, the wind blowing my hair about. I stood watching as it shot into the sky, became a small black dot. I stood as StarSeeker entered warp, out there in space, as she left for Earth. She left like a brilliant star, disappearing into a fiery flower of light. A claw gently placed itself on my shoulder. I turned to see Rixxir, all golden-red now. Her dragon-head was gold, tinged with ruby-red along the jaws. Her neck was gold, with red highlighting the base of her throat. Her wings now shimmered faint gold under the Mixxim sun and her claws were silver-tipped. Her eyes were gentle, understanding. I heaved a sobbing sigh and I shook myself. * Now the circle is complete * Rixxir said softly. * We now fulfil the prophecy * "But it is so hard, my friend." I said after a while. * But they will come back * I sighed and looked around. "Now where should we start, Rixxir?" * We start from the beginning * "Right!" I flexed my arms, preparing for hard work ahead. Just then Rixxir did something surprising. She placed her claw on my belly. * A new beginning * I gasped, fathoming her words. Tears seeped from my eyes. "We will have so much to do ..." Rixxir rubbed her cheek against my side. * We all start from the beginning *