All I Want for Christmas by Raederle Schala McDermot
	"Why don't you just get the official report?" Zeno asked the pale Ocampan. He flipped some blond hair out of his eyes. "I read it. It's not bad actually. It gives all the details, from all the viewpoints of the ships involved." "I don't want the official report. I want this written exactly as I remember it." Her amber eyes glanced up at him through her smooth, brown bangs. They still looked sad after three months. "But your memory has to have degraded after all this time, Lita." "I'm almost done," she told the Trill, still tapping the buttons on her workpad in hopes of finishing her novel soon. He could tell that the Counselor hadn't had any effect. She was still obsessing over the destruction of the U.S.S. Flashdance and the death of her fiancé Kedzen. Zeno and Kedzen had grown up together on Trill, trained together for the Symbiosis Commission, and taken the same piloting classes in Star Fleet Academy. Their past had been a lot alike, save two differences. Kedzen had been joined with the symbiont Kyn, while Zeno had been rejected. And he'd spoken to Lita in their classes first. The three of them studied together and graduated together, but Zeno had always felt like a third wheel. Kedzen was his best friend, but Lita was a wonderful, sweet girl. Perhaps not the prettiest cadet, her nose stuck out a bit, and those Ocampan ears were a bit much. Still, her attitude had always been joyful and compassionate, and she had insight on things one would never expect of a three year old. Lita made the most of every minute she was alive. Unfortunately, the trio had been split up when Kedzen Kyn had gotten a place on the Flashdance, and Lita and Zeno had been assigned to the Hadrian instead. Lita and Kedzen had spent all of their vacation time together. They had written letters, and Zeno gave up any hope of being with Lita. He couldn't hope anyway. She was with his best friend, and their happiness was important to him. Besides, being stationed light-years away didn't stop Kedzen Kyn from making the most of the six remaining years he had with the love of his life. That battle with the Jem'Hadar destroyed their dreams. The Flashdance wasn't just defeated by the Dominion; it was obliterated. Kedzen's dismembered body had been found among the debris, but the Kyn symbiont had survived and been shipped back to Trill for medical treatment. And due to her Ocampan mind, Lita experienced Kedzen's last thoughts, then been cut off from Kyn. "May I read it when you're done?" "Yes." She furrowed her brow and regarded him fondly. "How'd your application go?" "They're still considering it. I don't think they'll accept me. The only time I know of that reapplication for a symbiont succeeded is in the case of Jadzia with the Dax symbiont." "It never hurts to try." she replied encouragingly. She touched his hand. "You've changed since I first met you. You know who you are now. You've had a chance to grow up." "Was I such a child when you first met me?" Zeno said stoically, rubbing her hand gently. "In many ways, yes, you were." She looked back at him tenderly. "But that was mostly for lack of experience of your own. The memories would have swallowed you then." "You have, too, you know." Zeno noted, sipping his Saurian Brandy. "Grown up that is. Maybe it's because I've known you for most of your life. You don't seem like a lost little girl anymore." A soft smile rewarded him. "How do I seem now?" "Like a brilliant like girl who can sure fly a starship." Zeno laughed. Lita when back to her novel. "Caretaker bless my little Ocampan heart." Zeno sighed. "Well, I'm off to my duties." He rose and cupped her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Be sure to get some sleep." He walked out of the mess hall as Lita watched him. If only I could, she thought. Lita hadn't slept in weeks, since she'd begun the novel. What her friend Zeno didn't know was that she'd already finished it. She just wanted to be near him without having to talk. She was afraid of what she might say to him. The Counselor said that often when a person loses a loved one, she'll invent an infatuation with someone close. She hoped that this wasn't that. Lita didn't want to betray Kedzen, but she was confused. Was this feeling something she'd made up, or something real? * * * While Kedzen had been courting the lovely Lita, Zeno had been taking extra classes. First in tactics, then in engineering. As a result he often had double shifts under the Chief of Engineering as well as taking his turn at helm. The Chief, Aino Minako, a Terran who was born in Japan, Earth, but raised in Canada of the same planet, was a cherub-faced bundle of energy. Sometimes she irritated the captain with her verve. Well, more than just sometimes, Zeno thought. But engineering was her life, so when it came time to do business she always got the job done. "Joyeaux Noël, cherished friend!" Aino exclaimed, reaching out for a big bear hug. "Pardon?" Zeno accepted the hug and patted her on the back. She wasn't technically on duty, so she was wearing a square-necked tunic and loose pants. Aino never wore her uniform unless it was absolutely necessary. "Merry Christmas!" she said, letting him go and picking up a tool. "It's like a winter festival for Terrans. Some families still celebrate it. Mine always did." She tied back her long black hair. "But what with the war and all, I can't get back home to celebrate with my family, so I'm throwing a ship wide party in a couple of weeks. Invite all of your friends." "I can't believe that the Captain would allow that, especially from you." Zeno smiled. "A ploy to ease morale on the ship?" "Perhaps, in part." She handed him a tool and crawled into the Jefferies tube. Zeno followed. "But me, I like Christmas. It's how my parents taught me and my siblings about sharing and love. Terran holidays are all about friendship and cooperation nowadays." "That's great. Most holidays of species I know of are about battles, victories, and religion. Or all of those. Bloody heritage. Bloody rituals." "Blood pie." she chuckled. "But seriously, Christmas is no different. The religious part anyway. But most Terrans don't go in for religion anymore. Science is their religion." "Do you?" Zeno showed her the readout so she could make the proper adjustment. "Do I what?" "Go in for religion." "I suppose I do. No more than a Bajoran." She resealed the conduit. "So how's your application going?" "Well, I'm leaving for my mental evaluation tomorrow. A joined Trill will spend some time with me to see if I have what it takes." He half-smiled "That's the part I flunked last time, by the way." She smacked him on the back and laughed. "Then I'll pray for you. But only if you promise to be back for my party!!" Zeno bowed his shaggy blond head to her in a cramped kneel. "I shall do my best, my lady." She laughed loudly. "Lady indeed!" * * * Lita nodded to the other people at the Christmas party. The room was crowded with happy people. She wished Zeno were there, but then she was glad he wasn't. She had been relieved from all that tension for a week or so, but she couldn't ignore her feelings forever, and she missed him. The small Ocampan was wearing a slinky blue-silver dress with an amber necklace Kedzen had bought her on Risa. Zeno had always grinned when she wore it and sworn that his friend had found a perfect match for her eyes. She tried to smile at her crewmates. "Honey!" Aino gave her a tight hug, then a kiss on each cheek. "I'm so glad you came." Aino had a radiant glow around her. She was wearing an elegant green empire-styled dress with a red vest. Her hair was bound loosely with a read and green bow, and she had little golden bells in her ears. "Thanks. Festive outfit." Aino curtsied playfully. "I figured since I'm the only one here who knows what this holiday is about, I had better dress the part." "You look nice. I wish Zeno could see you." "Wish he could see you. He said he'd come...oh!" She grabbed Lita's arm. "You can be my Elf!" "Your Elf?" Lita couldn't help but feel better. Aino's enthusiasm was contagious. "My little pixie helper! Come on!" She pulled on the Ocampan. "Let's spike the punch!" Lita had to laugh. * * * Zeno walked down the corridor. Due to the war, the Symbiosis Commission had made the ceremony short. He hoped Aino wouldn't be too disappointed with him. It didn't bother him too much though. He had more security behind him. Knowledge. He wasn't just Zeno anymore, but Zeno Kyn. He was part of something bigger that just himself, and now his best friend would always be with him. "Zeno!" Lita tackle-hugged him as soon as he stepped into the mess hall. Aino came over. "How'd it go?" the Terran woman demanded. She looked into his eyes with scrutiny. "You're Joined!!" "That's true." he assured coyly. "I'm so happy for you." Lita said, patting his shoulder. "What are you called now?" I'm so low. she thought. I'll give any excuse to touch him. "Zeno Kyn." "Kedzen's symbiont?" Lita asked incredulously. "Yes." He stroked her hair. He gazed into her surprised and vulnerable amber eyes. I'm so low. he thought. I'll give any excuse to touch her. "Aino, could I speak with Lita alone?" Aino nodded and exited with a knowing smile. Zeno took Lita's hand and led over to a table. Moment of truth. he thought. "What is it, Zeno?" she looked concerned. He smiled. "You're wearing Kedzen's necklace. It really makes your eyes beautiful." She blushed a little. "It's a special occasion. Aino's Christmas party, and you've been joined." Don't hope. she thought. "It's a nice thought." he whispered. She raised her hand to his eyes. "You're crinkling your eyes like Kedzen used to." "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. This wasn't my choice, Lita, but I think I would be having this talk with you even if it hadn't been Kyn." He held her hand. She stared at it but did not pull away. "I think the Commission made a good decision though. I don't suppose I can't think of myself as moving in on my best friend's girl when he's part of me." Lita looked at him questioningly. "This will be awkward at first. For everyone on the Hadrian, but especially for you and me. I've loved you for a long time. Me. Zeno. And now I remember the love that Kedzen had for you. I won't be a replacement, but maybe in time you can see me as more than a friend." She reached up to his blond hair and twirled a piece around her finger. "Oh, Zeno." she sighed. "You'd think a telepath and a two hundred year old Trill could figure you out. I've always loved you like a brother-" "But not like I do you." "You didn't let me finish." She stood and made him get up and dance with her. "I've been trying to dismiss this for months, but I can't! About a month after Kedzen died, I started seeing you differently. You've always been so compassionate with me. I never noticed how much it meant before. It means so much." A little tear slipped down her face. He dipped her. She laughed. "So...what you're saying...." They looked into each others' eyes. "Maybe in time, we'll be more than friends. But I don't have much time." She kissed him. He held her and helped with the ritual involved with the mistletoe they had stepped under. "Christmas is about love." Aino explained to the Captain, who was drinking a schnapps with her. They looked furtively at the kissing couple. "It's about people coming together, about putting aside differences and finding a common ground." "But mostly about love." the Captain smirked. "Yes." Chief Minako agreed for once. "Mostly about love."