Something by Michiel Barten
	It was just one of those stardates you classify as one-of-those-I-don't-quite-remember- but-they-happen-too-often-really-they-do; or at least, it was at first. Nothing much was happening and most crewmen were dying for some action. It's those moments that wishes unfortunately do come true. "Captain, I'm picking up something on long range scanners," Data said. "Any idea as to what this something might be, Mr Data?" Captain Picard asked. "I could find out, sir," the android continued. "But quite frankly, I can not be bothered." "Excuse me?" "It's just one of those days, sir." Data said with an apologising expression on his face. "Number one," said Picard. "Don't look at me," said Riker. "I agree with Data." Picard sighed a sigh like no other sigh. This particular sigh really was sight for sore eyes, which is quite an achievement since sighs are usually merely heard and not seen. You'll either have to take my word for it or just sod off. It's my story. "Alright, is there anyone who is willing to find out what we've just picked up on the long range scanners?" Deanna stood up. "Are you volunteering, Counsellor?" the Captain asked. "No, sir. I'm going to take a crap," she said plainly, and left for the nearest lavatory. "How long are those range scanners anyway?" said Ensign Spork, today's tactical officer. "I've always wondered." He raised one of his eyebrows like only true Vulcans can, as he gave this topic some more thought. "It's long range scanners, Ensign Spork, not long range scanners," said Riker. "Long range scanners?" "Yes… No." "Well make up your mind, sir" "Make up my mind? Don't be absurd, Ensign, make-up is for girls," said Riker as he winced at the thought of being considered girlish, girly or girl-like. "If I may be so bold as to interrupt," the Captain interrupted. "Bald, sir?" said Data. "Bold, Data, bold!" Picard exclaimed. "Oh, I understand. Bold with an 'o' instead of an 'a'," the android said. "Don't be silly, Data, there is no bold with an 'a'. That would be bald," said Riker. "Bald or bold, sir?" "Look, I'm still confused about those long range scan-" Ensign Spork started. "Shut up!" Picard exclaimed. "Everybody just shut their faces, okay?" "Feces, sir?" Data asked. Another sigh was sighed, this time not as impressive as the first, but quite noticeable nonetheless. "One more word out of anyone, and the person in question will be demoted," the Captain calmly continued. "Now…" He tapped his comm. badge. "Picard to LaForge." "Whassuuuup!" Geordi exclaimed through the comm badge. "Whassuuuuuuuuuup!" Riker shouted. "Please remove yourself from the bridge, Ensign Riker, you are hereby confined to quarters," said Picard. "Ensign? Oh, come on!" "I warned you, didn't I? Don't say I didn't warn you. Now get off this bridge. Go on, engage!" Riker kicked against his chair. "Fine," he said. "Be that way." The captain ignored thise last remark as Riker stepped into the turbo lift and left the bridge. LaForge's voice came through the comm badge. "Ensign? Don't you think you're being a little harsh, sir? How about Lieutenant?" "You stay out of this, Mr LaForge," the Captain said. "With all due respect, sir, but you're the one who brought me into this." Suddenly (most things in these kind of stories tend to happen suddenly. Think nothing of it) the alarm went off. "Mr Data?" said Picard. "Huh? What? Oh!" The android pulled his index finger out of his nose. No that there was anything in his nose to pick, he was just imitating human behaviour. He tapped on his console. One simply couldn't help but get jiggy to the rhythm with which Data handled his terminal. "Umm, the something I told you about, sir?" "Yes, Data?" "It's on a collision course, sir." "And what is it?" "The something, sir?" "Yes, the something," Picard patiently continued. "I do not know, sir. I told you before." "Very well, please leave the bridge, Ensign Data, you're confined to quarters too." "Yes, sir," the android said, as he left the bridge. Picard was happy this demoting thing seemed to be getting easier. "Ensign Spork?" he said. "Yes, sir?" "Could you please try to find out what that something is, then?" "Umm, can I just make up something sir? I mean, can I just make up what the something might be?" "What? No of course not!" "It would be a lot easier, sir." "Look, just get over to that console, and tell me what that something is!" "Very well, sir," said Ensign Spork as he walked over to the terminal. "Let's see… Hmmm, yes. Well, sir, it seems to be a…" He paused for a moment. "Yes, Ensign, a…?" "A twentieth century police box from earth, sir." "A twentieth century police box from earth…" "…Sir." "Aha. Umm, on screen," said the Captain. If silences were lethal, there would have been a whole lot of dead people on the Enterprise. There was, indeed, a blue twentieth century police box from earth drifting through space. And it was headed for the Enterprise. "Evasive manoeuvres, Lieutenant Markham," said the Captain to the helm officer. "Aye, sir, evasive manoeuvres, sir! ...Sir!" "Are you alright, Lieutenant Markham?" "Yes, sir, I am perfectly fine, sir, thank you for your concern, sir!" The Captain turned towards Ensign Spork. "Is Lieutenant Markham ill?" he whispered. "Lieutenant Mark Hammil? Don't think I know him sir, sorry," said the Vulcan. The Captain hesitated, but decided it was a bad idea to pursue this any further. Suddenly the ship came to a full stop. "An interesting manoeuvre," said Ensign Spork. "I didn't do it," said the Lieutenant raising his hands in defence while staring at his console. "…Sir!" The screen showed the police box also coming to a halt. "Well this is just fanta-" the Captain started. "Sir," Spork interrupted. "The police box is hailing us. Audio channel only." "Let's hear it then," said Picard. "Hello?" a voice boomed over the audio channel. "Hello, I say, is anyone there?" "I am captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federa-" "Ah, splendid. I'll be there in a jiffy." "Excuse-" Suddenly (I told you, didn't I?) the police box disappeared from the screen and reappeared on the bridge; along with the appropriate light effects, of course. The door opened, and a man stepped out. He wore a scarf, and looked a bit silly to be true. "Who are you?" the Captain asked. "Yes, indeed, I am. I didn't know my reputation preceded me this far," said the man, and he extended his hand. "What?" "No, Who... You were right the first time. Don't know where What is. Hard to keep tabs on him, he's clever." It didn't happen often, but this time Picard actually was dumbfounded. Flabbergasted even. He'd be even more if I were able to come up with other silly words. He might've been ratarsed too, but it seems unlikely. After all, we're talking about Captain Picard here. The man rubbed his hands together and took a look around him. "Nice place you've got here. A bit beige though… But that's not why I came. Let's see…" He appeared to be thinking intensively. "Yes, I had a question, I believe." "A question?" the Captain asked. "Yes… Oh! I remember! Yes, I wanted to know if you have seen Davros?" "Davros?" "Yes." Ensign Spork stood up. "Excuse me?" he said. The silly looking man turned towards the Vulcan. "I could replicate you some." "Rebleekate? Rebleekate some what?" "Some Davros. You are talking about the Bolian delicacy, aren't you?" "My dear man, I'm afraid I am not." At this point, he really was rather afraid. After all, eating Davros… The thought, urgh… "I am referring to the malicious little bugger who invented the Daleks." "The Daleks? I've never heard of them," said the Captain. "You haven't? Oh dear, it seems I'm not where I thought I was. Well, I'd better be off then. Thank you for your help. Goodbye." He stepped back in his police box and disappeared before Picard could say a word. The turbo lift doors opened, and Deanna stepped out. "Did I miss anything?" she asked and walked over to her seat. The Captain stared at her and tapped his comm badge. "Picard to Riker," he said. "Ensign Riker here." "Please report to the bridge, Commander. And pick up Data on the way, will you?" And all was quiet on the bridge of the Enterprise. Or at least, for a second or two. "Aye, sir!" "I'll be in my ready room." Captain's log: supplemental Today something happened and I'm not quite sure what. I demoted two senior officers trying to find out what something was and in the end it turned out that no matter how hard one would have tried, it would have been impossible to know what exactly crossed our path. I suspect it was not what it seemed, but that it had taken on this form so that we would feel some connection with it. The feeling of familiarity. First contact means establishing contact with a species we have never met before, and I think that is exactly what happened today, though it was brief. Its search for Davros and Daleks, whatever they are, shall go on and maybe we will meet again. I suspect that I will remember today for a long time, pondering over what this something might have been; or rather, who.