Looking Through The Prism by MTabek An essay about Otherness in our Society written in April of 2002.
	Starting with a clean slate do I begin this paper. A tablet unspoiled by ideas, views, or paradigms. This is how we begin in the world, and it is only during childhood, our parents teach us basic morals. These become the pillars of faith, for me they became pillars of relationships. During our developing teen and adulthood years, our learning comes, not as much from our parents now, but ourselves. In this time, we create ourselves, by how others see us, maybe, but mostly by how we see our inner selves. We grab on to what we know deeply within, and take those morals of our youth and meld them together into a view we relate and identify with. Sometimes it is these views that cause conflict with other beliefs. Homosexuality is one of these views. This story is based on truth, which I have put together for the first time. I have gotten sources from multiple genres, including an interview from my best friend, and one from a friend I just made recently. This story is a medium of good and bad, truth and lies, that come together to make an idea that I hope just might be accessible to everyone. How the world sees others is one of the most prevalent ideas that has been spawned time and again over the centuries. The idea of social pressures is ingrained with the premise of trying to 'fit in' with a particular group that runs off a social ideal. First off, I would like to take a quote from a book put together by Jill Sherwin. She took a quote from the Original Series of Star Trek, in which Dr. McCoy tries to help Captain Kirk deal with the pressures of command. McCoy says that "In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets. And in all the universe, three million million galaxies like this. And in all that... and perhaps more, only one of each of us" (Sherwin 2). Its seems that, while McCoy's intentions were good, this only helped to discourage our dear Captain even more. What McCoy had been trying to state is the importance of every single life, as each of us is unique and worthy of life. But why then can't some people understand this? Within the homosexual community, we are threatened, beaten, even killed. Most notably was the incident with Matthew Shepard. His story was spread over every news station, and given more airtime than any other event involving a gay theme. It seems that our society only wants to hear of the violence being given toward the homosexual population. At present, it does not seem that the media wishes to help promote homosexuals in a very good light, only in a way that makes them look helpless. And why? I ask myself. I always ask myself this. It is still an answer that eludes me. I am considered an 'oddball' even among other gay men. I tend to be a lot more introversive, thoughtful, and poetic. These sometimes cause me to separate from other people in general. Not that this is a bad action for me to take. Our individualism is a good thing. Conflict, while disturbing, seems to be the only thing that forces change. And a change must come. I must start off from the beginning now, doing my best to show both sides of the story, which I have been on an edge for so long now. It is my belief, and one in which most homosexuals believe in, that I did not just one day, out of the blue, decide to be gay. It was a process for me to come to terms with this facet of myself, a long arduous journey that presented me with the biggest obstacles I had ever faced during seventh grade, and indeed throughout the rest of my academic life. It's been seven years now since I first started along the path to self-awareness, and that journey is still as perilous as ever. A homosexual's fight, a point that most people really do not realize, is not just outside, but it is inside our souls. For two years, I fought with myself, on every level I could at that time. I fought with myself on a pure mental level, telling myself over and over, "You're not gay, Matt, you can't be, you know how mad Mom and Dad will be if they find out!" On that level I was fighting with my parents views of my sexuality. My parents, being the good Christians they are, were of course ignorant to the entire idea. All the information they had was based on skewed knowledge; one source telling them that the entire notion was a falsehood and was wrong. When I finally decided to tell them, my first year of college, they were astonished. They told me that while they still loved me, a point that is hard for other parents to still try to do, they said that they would never accept me the way I am. They fell into the same viewpoint as many others in society: there is something wrong with us, and so it is there duty to 'fix' us. Its been very relieving to see that they are finally coming around... they now realize that this isn't some game I am playing, this is real, this is me. I met a friend recently who told me about what happened when he first told his parents. His mother, right from the start, refused to accept it, and shunned him because of it. When she left Jeff's father, she left Jeff behind because he was gay. She took her other two children with her. Jeff's father would not talk to him for many weeks, but eventually he came around, and now their bond has become significantly stronger. The most positive reaction he got was when Jeff told his brother and sister. Both agreed that it didn't matter. He was their brother, and they loved him just the same. Getting to that point, that night that I finally told my parents, was the longest, toughest road I had ever traveled. I had received but one rest during the journey - my years of high school. I had, my freshman year, finally come to bear with the totality of myself. I realized that there was absolutely nothing for me to do but accept it, and live my life. But still I stayed hidden within my cocoon of safety. Focusing on my studies, I would stay there, safely sequestering my secret away from all prying eyes, until my senior year of high school. My best friend, Michael (whom I interviewed) decided that it was time for him to come out. "...I could no longer pretend to be someone I was not. I was tired [of] everyone expecting me to be a person that was nothing like who I really am...." I was very glad when my friend emphasized this point during the interview. It truly was how my feelings roiled inside of me at that time. For years I had kept my true self isolated from the real world. Michael wrote this idea in a paper his senior year of school, and it has stayed with me over time as being one of the best descriptions of how it feels to be a closeted gay man. He wrote that he had built this wall around himself, and that by coming out, however slowly, he was beginning to tear down that wall one brick at a time. Since reading that, I have changed it slightly to fit my own life. Michael did not realize he was gay until his junior year of high school, I had come to the conclusion much earlier. So while he had time to build up a wall, I had time to build the Great Wall of China around my true self. It was all I could do to what I believed at the time, to keep myself safe from what the rest of society might think about me. That really is an interesting way in which the human concept of reality works. We pride ourselves on being so individualistic, and yet trends are set everyday. Views accepted as a whole are created, and conflict arises from these views. Such is the case with homosexuality. Society views it as being wrong, as some temptation that will do nothing but lead to eternal damnation (in the religious viewpoint, of course.) Aside from the very biased religious dogma, homosexuality is no different than anything else. Gay people are no different, we enjoy the same foods. We love the same music, and movies, and cry at the same sadnesses of life. We love, laugh; live, cry; bleed, and die. Just like anyone else. Yet why can society not see this? Eddy L. Harris wrote a very wonderful statement in his novel Still Life in Harlem. On page 229 he writes that, "...I would not let them change my path, my thinking, or my way of being. I would not, in fact, let them change me... If I were to act any other way, then I would be wearing that look of surrender that confesses how much I believe what I have been told about them - and about myself." What a strong idea. We should trust fully in staying true to ourselves. Conformity leads to ideological death, the death of individuality, and the death of life itself. How boring life would be for me, if I were to remain in this state of pretending to act like everyone else. Looking back at my life, I see how true this is. Before I came out to my friends and family, my life was a wreck. My self-esteem was lower than ever, depression was always threatening on the horizon. Still, there is always hope, and as such, I found strength in those closest to me. Michael told me that, "I knew that it [coming out] would be particularly difficult for some of my friends... One thing I was sure of is that those who are my true friends would remain my true friends...." The largest debacle, and one that causes the most conflict today, is the one of religion. To me, major religion is hypocritical, but I still believe in God. As a Christian, homosexuality is said to be wrong, that man shall not sleep with man, or something along those lines. The only problem is that it is only a vague hinting of homosexuality and as such, can be refuted. Man referred to humanity itself quite often within the Bible. With this definition, you can then say that what was said is that no one should sleep with anyone else! In relation to the views of marriage though, it can be said that people were not to sleep together outside the bounds of marriage. Interesting view, considering what a sex saturated society we have. People have sex outside of marriage all the time, be they straight or gay. I was talking with my friend just a few days ago as we were driving around town, and we got into the most wonderful conversation ever concerning religion and homosexuality. We ended up coming to an interesting conclusion. Religion is hypocritical, so all we can rely on is our own morals to guide us. How true this is, that even now we revert all the way back to childhood to once again step onto the solid pillars our youth. As society see others. That should be an idea abolished to the annuals of time. It never will be of course, but the fact of the matter is that it should be. People should be free to be as they are - without fear of persecution or hatred at doing so. Summing it up, Michael did a good job by saying that, "Being who I truly am, being honest with my family, my friends, and myself is more important to me that pretending to be someone I'm [just] to stay safe." Heeding ideas like this one, our society would become a much better place for everyone. "I am female [or gay, etc.] I was born that way. I have had those feelings... those longings... all my life. It is not unnatural. I am not sick because I feel this way. I do not need to be helped, I do not need to be cured. What I need - and what all of those who are like me need - is your understanding and your compassion. We have not injured you in any way. And yet we are scorned, and attacked. And all because we are different. What we do is no different from what you do. We talk and laugh... we complain about work and we wonder about growing old... we talk about our families, and we worry about the future... And we cry with each other when things seem hopeless. All of the loving things that you do with each other...that is what we do. And for that, we are called misfits, and deviants... What right do you have to punish us? What right do you have to change us? What makes you think you can dictate how people love each other?      --Soren to Noor.      On a world where the people have evolved a gender-neutral mindset, Soren is an outcast      for having female orientation.      TNG/ "The Outcast" (Sherwin 115).