When I awoke on the morning of November 10 of the year 1997 a dance began.
A dance that I didn't know I was going to be taking part in had already began.
Getting every one out the door that morning, all of the kisses we shared.
Little did I know my family was kissing the real me for the last time.
For a short time later my life changed which also will change their lives forever.
About 30 minutes later with a loud sound life as I knew it and my kids new me ended.
I see my life now as a dance.
I don't know what is going to happen, but I do have to believe that God has a reason for me, another purpose than I thought.
I have learned how to live life as it is now.
To do what I can in this moment and not worry about the next.
If I thought about my pain all the time and what my action would do a little later on.
Then I couldn't live.
I wouldn't be able to be the parent, wife, or child that I am.
If I missed out on a dinner with my daughters or a solo in the school play.
Then I would have missed more than just pain in my body.
I would have missed a moment that could never be replaced in my child's life.
I would have children that would think their mommy doesn't care.
I would have missed a time to see them shine.
We have but little time with our children. I am just trying to preserve that time.
To cherish every minute for all we know when we leave the school after that child's moment; that could have been the last moment we had.
So I ask you is the dance really all that much to play to attend?
Pain in exchange for memories for all.
I will choose my children over my pain any day.
Even if it's just for a Dance.
When I was in labor with my oldest daughter I played the song The Dance by Garth Brooks over and over in my mind.
I didn't know that many years later how the song would still ring so true.
How that song helps keep me going.
It reminds me that sometimes we must go through a lot for the big picture.
So with that I push my self.
This way my children can't ever say mom didn't try.
Maybe one of these days they will understand when I do say I can't do something that I really couldn't, because if I could have I would have.
I have always told my children that can't never did do nothing.
I try to practice what I teach.
I have to try. I have to dance.
Dance I will, for as many times as they ask.
My children's happiness and education is all that matter's to me.
For all of you that don't understand this I say DANCE.